Ziva's secrets!
by ncis21
Summary: What will happen when the team discover the mystery of Ziva David? Ok i suck to summaries, but read anyway..
1. Chapter 1

"Ziva how do you know him?" an angry Gibbs yelled to the Mossad Officer. They were caught in a case about a murder and a victim who both looked familiar to Ziva. She just, couldn't place it.

"I don't know Gibbs," she said frustrated. And just then a scared man gave her a packet. Tony couldn't help but smirk by the man's fear. Oh, Ziva could be very terminating.

"Who is it from?" she asked suspicious.

"I… I don't know" he answered and quickly disappeared.

Ziva opened the bow and took five DVD's up.

"Can the king of the DVD's help you?" he smirked and looked at the title. The smirk disappeared. The title read.

_Ziva David 0-5 years_

_Ziva David 6-10_

_Ziva David 11-15_

_Ziva David 16-20_

_Ziva David 21-25_

_Ziva David 26-30_

Under the DVD's there lay a note.

_Hallo Ziva._

_Those movies are showing whole your life. Every dream and fantasy, to every nightmare and secrets. Some of the material I got from your father other I just got myself. My next target is hiding in the movies so Ziva, Will you let the team see your secrets or do you want to see other people die? _

Ziva stood speechless for a moment. There was no way she could show the team her life. They would hate her forever! For the first time in long time, Ziva was scared.

"Ziva, you know we need to see them," Gibbs said

"No Gibbs… You can't. I won't let you," Ziva meant what she said, that was her life. Life! Not a reality show!

"Ziva if we don't, the murder will kill more innocent people!" Gibbs tried to reach her. However, he understood her.

"And Ducky and Abby have to see them too. Ducky can profile and Abby is the master of the symbols. And I, Tony and McGee are your team, so we have to see them. We will run them in MTAC ASAP".

Ziva nodded. What could see say or do? NOTHING! She hated herself for it and she knew they would hate her too. Ziva was more pissed than she ever remembered she had been.

The team had thrown everyone ells out of MTAC ten minutes later. Ziva starred at the screen. This wasn't real. _Please say this is a dream, a nightmare._

"Ziva, if there is anything we need to know before we get started then say it now," Gibbs really felt sorry for Ziva, but they didn't had a choice.

Ziva thought for a moment before she spoke.

"Tali.. My little sister. And Ari…" she whispered. She felt the glares and closed her eyes. Ducky spoke first "was he your lover, my dear?"

Ziva shook her head "no. He was my brother. My half brother, but blood is blood and I loved him more than anything" she didn't care about their reaction. They could thing what they wanted. And they did. All of them with bad memories.

"You can also forget everything about feeling sorry for me. I came though it without your and I don't need you support now" her voice was strong and resolute.

McGee pushed the first DVD in…

**Well I have the next chapter ready and if I get enough reviews, I will post it :) Tell me what you thing! Is it bad? Good? Ok? Review and tell me what you think! Come with ideas! **

**And of cause, I DON'T own any of this. **


	2. DVD 1

**Hey, I glad that you like my story! Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming! And regarding my spelling, I know I don't spell very good (ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUE OR MY SECOND), and if anyone would like to read the stories before I post them, then please send me a message! :) **

A little girl lay in a cradle. She had brown hair and deep brown eyes. The baby was Ziva. Abby couldn't help but notice that she was a very beautiful baby. A text appeared on the screen. '_Those years of our Zivas life, isn't so interesting. She slept, screamed and ate like every other child, but Ziva, this video for you! I hope you do remember these scenes'… SCENES?! My life IS NOT a funny reality show! _Ziva mind screamed_. How could someone think that?! _Then it hit her.He had descripted her life like a reality show. The words were dripping with sarcasm. He would only show the bad times of her life. Making her look like a bastard, or a weak idiot. Zivas felt the anger rise in her body. _When I catch him, I will kill him_. It wasn't just words. It was a promise…

[The langue is Hebrew, but there were lyrics on the screen]

"_Ima?" a little four years old girl asked her mother. They sat five around the table in the kitchen. Ziva, an older boy who had to be Ari, a little baby who was Tali, a younger Eli David and her mother. _

"_Ken Ziva?" Mrs. David answered her oldest daughter. _

"_Abba says you are going to die? Is that true? why?" the girl asked impatiently. Reminding a lot of the Ziva who sat in MTAC.  
The mother looked choked. _

"_Ziva. I'm sick and yes I am dying, but you have your father and your brother. They will keep you and Tali safe" _

_Ari sat as an eight-year-old boy looking at his stepmom. He loved her, he really did, but he loved his own mother higher and nothing could change that. His face was cleared for emotions. _

_Later that evening_

"_Eli what the hell has you told them?" an angry Sarah David yelled at her husband. _

"_Sarah, come down. __They have right to know!" _

"_They are only children Eli! They do not understand it!"_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_The camera shifted. Two children stood, listening at the door. Hearing their mommy and daddy fight. Ziva and Ari looked away from the door, locking eyes. _

"_Ari" a scared Ziva asked her brother "If Ima dies, then when she will return? When can we see her again?" her voice was shaking and pain filled the brother's eyes. _

"_Ziva. When Ima dies, she will not return…" Warm tears filled the eyes of the little girl. _

"_Ima would never leave us like that! Would she?" _

_Their eyes locked again_

"_She doesn't have a choice"_

_The two children walked into the room they shared. __Silence between them. Ziva laid down beside Ari. __She had her own bed, but she liked to feel that she was't alone. That someone knew exactly how she felt. Ari laid a protecting arm around his younger sister and the sleep took both of them. They shared a bond there would hold forever..._

Ducky had never seen anything like that. Then from Ari Haswari. The bond between the brother and sister, was stronger than everything ells. He hadn't seen a lot, but what he had seen, showed how much the siblings cared for each other…

"_Ima?"_

"_Ima wake up!" Ziva yelled at her mother. Tears running down her face. The mother lay in a bed in the hospital in Tel Aviv. They all knew it, she was dead. Eli hold Tali, Ari stood beside the door; showing no emotion and Ziva… Ziva tried desperately to wake up her mother._

"_Ima!" she tried again_

"_Ziva, listened to me," Eli said softly_

"_Lo Abba! Ima!" tears were streaming down the little girl's face. _

"_Ziva! She will never wake up"_

_The little girl realized the truth. She had lost her mother forever, "what have you done to her Abba?" she yelled angry to her father. _

_Before anyone had seen what had happened, Eli had smacked the little girl in the floor. _

"_You will never talk to me like that again! And stop crying! Crying is a sign of weakness," he said angry, leaving the room with Tali. _

"_Ziva" sounded Ari's voice, "it is ok to cry Ziva"._

"_No. It's not" the girl said stubbornly and stood up,"Abba is right; crying is a sign of weakness". _

_Ziva lifted her chin and smacked herself hard on the cheek before she left the room. She reminded more than ever about the Ziva who sat in MTAC, seeing herself after her mother's dead… _

Abby had tears in her eyes and Ducky eyes were wet. Tony, McGee and Gibbs starred at the screen, without knowing what to think, do or know and Ziva… Ziva sat more deadpan than ever, while memories ran though her head.

Another text appeared on the screen.

_Ziva… Ziva… Ziva… What a family? A father who doesn't love his children and a mother who is dead in front of her little girl! Look in the next episode of the reality series, Ziva David…_

They all sat speechless for a moment. He really did, what Ziva had expected him to do. McGee pulled himself together and put the next DVD in…

**Okay guys, here is a warning from me! If you do like Eli David then don't read the next chapter or the one after that, cause I will make him to a real bastard! And perhaps Ari will be kind of a hero, actually I don't know, I write a lot like McGee :D hehe (watch episode 'Cover Story' to understand my writing)**

**Review and tell me what you think! **

**One of you said that this is how I imagine Ziva childhood, but it is not, cause here I will only write the bad things and think that Ziva had some good memories from her childhood too :D **

**And of cause I DON'T own any of this! **

**Please read the text in the top too, it's a bit important..**


	3. DVD 2

**Hey ! I'm sorry for not updating before, but I have been on a vacation. I'm not so proud of this chapter, I was not really sure what to write so I hope you could tell me what was good and what was bad… And of course let the reviews coming! I'll promise the next chapters will be better course I have a lot of ideas, but I won't post the next chapter if I not gets enough reviews :D **

"_Ziva, oh believe me when I say your life is boring before your joined Mossad, I can't wait to discover your secrets!"…_

_Ziva laid in her bed, reading a book in Hebrew. The letters was small and there must be at least 300 pages. Tony was amazed by that she could read it, personally he had never read a book like that. She turned a page in the book. _

_Ari sat in his own bed. A doctor magazine was turned up on his lap, the little boy trying to understand the difficult words. _

_She was seven he was ten. They both read like grownups._

"_Ari, I'm scared" Ziva said with a voice none of the people in MTAC ever had heard. Like a little girl, which she also was, but she really sounded scared._

"_Ziva, there is nothing to be afraid of" he said calmly. He knew what she was talking about. _

"_I know. It's stupid. Forget it"._

"_No Ziva. It's not stupid, you should be afraid. You should miss your family while you are at school. Like every other child!" he said stubborn as always_

"_But I'm not like every other children, neither are you or Tali. We are born to a purpose! You for HAMAS, me for MOSSAD and Tali, Tali are going to take the lead in MOSSAD when she gets old enough. We are not supposed be afraid of something so stupid as school" Ziva eyes were lighting with feelings and fire. But Ari was calmly as always. Always with the smirk on his face and his dark eyes. _

"_It shouldn't have to be that way Ziva. You know that, we should have a choice. We are not an ordering!"_

"_Aren't we Ari?" she said, trying to make him realizing the truth. The truth he tried to hide, they all tried to hide. He looked agreeing down on the floor before he took the magazine again... _

Ziva stared at the floor. How could she ever face the team again? She remembered it. Remembered all of it. All the fights, all the conversations, all of it and it almost made her cry. Almost. Cause she was Ziva David, a trained killer. A woman who did what she had to do and she did not cry. She could feel the glares from the others and she tried to ignore it. 

Ducky stared speechless at the screen. He couldn't believe what he saw. A girl knew in an age of seven why she was born. A girl whose strength called out of the brown eyes. This was not a girl like everyone else. She hadn't a relationship to her father, or maybe she had. Maybe their relationship was the fact that she should make him proud of her. _Is_ it still as it was once? The thoughts were driving Ducky crazy.

"_Ari I want you to take Ziva to school" Eli David said a busy morning. It was Zivas first school day and she was just as afraid as she exited. _

"_Yes" Ari answered and locked eyes with his little sister. _

"_We are leaving in ten Ziva" he said and all she did was nod. _

"_Are you scared Ziva?" Eli asked slyly_

"_No!" she said and lifted her head a bit "just exited"._

_- - - - - - _

_Ari and Ziva walked into a classroom full of children at her age. They made a lot of noise and Ziva felt uncomfortable. _

"_Ziva I can meet you outside in the break?"_

"_Yes please" _

_Ari left not long after and Ziva stood alone with her back against the wall. A little boy walked over to her. _

"_Shalom" he said, smiling to the new girl._

"_Shalom" Ziva said. The boy had brown eyes and thick brown hair. _

"_I'm Michael" _

"_Ziva" she said smiling friendly to the boy. _

"_New too?" the boy named Michael asked_

"_Yes? So clearly?" she smirked and the boy laughed a bit_

"_Maybe" he smiled and she pushed him playfully as they sat down on their chairs, when the teacher entered. The other children became quiet and sat down too. _

"_Hallo my name is Ms. Edri and I will be your teacher". The woman was about thirty and had long brown hair. She was thin and carried a grey dress. Ziva started to relax and a smile crept over her mouth. _

McGee's eyes were locked at the screen. This was not the Ziva they knew. However, they could see the Ziva in her. The eyes. She had the same eyes. Of course, it was the same woman, but the strength was the same. However, he felt bad about seeing Ziva that naked. Not like she hadn't clothed on, but they saw whole her life, her secrets, all the things she had done everything to hide.  
He looked at her; she sat with her stone face on. No emotion at all.

_Ziva stood in cargo pants and a white t-shirt. She talked with Michael and some other children when a boy from her class came over to her. They stood out in the grass and he knew just what he wanted. They were eight. The boy took her hand and turned her around. _

"_Ziva. I really like you" before anyone had seen what had happen, the boy laid on the grass, crying out in pain. _

"_I won't tell you twice Amir! Stay away from me!" she whispered into his ear and the boy cried again. She had almost broken his arm. _

"_You are crazy bitch Ziva, you are even worse than your brother!" he screamed and she filled him with more pain. The tears running down his cheeks._

"_Are you done, or do you want me to actually break your arm?" _

"_Release me!" he boy screamed and she let him go. He ran inside and did not come out again. A smirk was growing on her lips. _

Tony knew that story. Ziva had told him once when they were watching an interrogating. He could not help but notice that she was a very pretty girl. Not that he hadn't noticed that before, of course he had, he was Anthony DiNozzo, but now she was sexy and beautiful, at the screen she was just very pretty…

**Year, that was chapter number three. Tell me what you think and I'm sorry for my spelling errors I know they are there, I just… you know can't find them xD **

**Please review and tell me what you think… ! (evt. read the text on the top ;D) **

**And of course I do not own any of this. **


	4. DVD 3 part 1

**Okay people I had to divide this chapter and probably the next, in two parts cuz, umm they became longer than I expected :) (Already 6 pages) and I don't want to bore you ! Thanks for the review! Keep them coming ;) **

"_Well… well… well Ziva! I think you know what come next. I can remember something about a couple of boys who disappear and a trip into the forest with Ari and Tali. Shall we let the videos tell the rest? _

Suddenly Ziva stood up and stopped the DVD. "Gibbs I really want you to go out… Please" she asked, no she begged, she knew what the videos showed and she wouldn't let anyone see that. There were not tears in her eyes and her voice was normal, but she begged them.

"Please Gibbs!"

"I can't Ziva. You know that"

"I know Gibbs... One word and I will turn it off. And… And"

"What, Ziva?"

"I think maybe Abby should go. This part has nothing to do with me, but I think you will be very sad to hear the truth"

"I'm staying!" the goth said stubborn. How could Ziva think that she wouldn't be there for her. They were friends, and friends would always be there.

McGee pressed the start button.

"_Just a background check. Little Ziva is 12 when she joins MOSSAD and here the fun is starting, but that isn't interesting so we start when she is thirteen or fourteen…_

_Ziva was in a gym with many other children, most of them older than her. They were divided in pairs. Ziva stood with boy who was twice her size, but she didn't looked scared. Actually, she looked bored. _

"_You know I can take you down in less than ten seconds right?" She hissed as she separated his attack._

"_Yes I have heard about you miss David! A real killer, the best of the agents ect. But now you brother is in England, he can't protected you and.. you can't take more than one man down at once." _

_Ziva made two hits, a step, and boy laid down. Crying out in pain. _

"_You will regret it David!" and then Ziva let go of him. She was used to get those kinds of threats, and she laughed. _

_It was later that night Ziva was leaving the gym alone. She had trained the evening away. When she closed the doors behind her, she knew something was wrong. Someone was following her. Ziva turned around and faced the boy from earlier. However, he wasn't alone. About five boys at the same size were with him._

"_What do you want?" Ziva asked, she didn't show her emotions, but she was scared._

"_Oh we just want to have fun with you Ziva!" _

_Then all of them jumped at her, holding her down as one of them drugged her with something in a syringe. She was awake, but she couldn't feel her body. _

"_What did you give me!" she asked, trying not to panic._

"_Oh, just some painkillers. You know, strong painkillers," one of the boys laughed_

"_I want her first!" the oldest of them said and the others just laughed, lying her down in a little room not far from the gym. Actually it wasn't a room, it was more like a closet._

_They ripped the clothes off her body. Showing her little body. Rapping her one by one. She couldn't move, but she didn't cry. She just tried to tell them to stop. When they were done, a little girl lay passed out on the floor, unconscious and alone…_

Gibbs eyes were burning! Tony's heart was bleeding, Abby's eyes was crying, McGee's soul was chocked, Ducky was speechless and Ziva. Ziva felt more naked than she was on the screen. She felt embarrassed and sick. She pulled her knees up to her chest, sinking down in chair. Protecting what was hers, her soul and body.

_The little girl woke up. She was alone in the closet. Couldn't find the door. The panic crept deep inside her. Tear pressing in her eyes. She tried to stand up, her legs shook. Whole her body shook. She could hear voices outside the closet and felt the panic. She quickly dressed and walked out, without anyone noticed. Shestill shook as she walked down the hall, trying not to be noticed by the other students. And when Michael came, she ran. He tried to catch up with her, but she would not let him. She ran to the only place she felt safe. Hers and Ari's room. She stripped off her cloth and entered the bathroom. Trying to wash every sign and market away.  
After half an hour, she stepped out. Full dressed, trying to hide as much of her skin as possible. She just stood for a moment, before taking the phone and dial a number. The other end answered. _

"_Shalom Ziva" Ari said, glad to hear his sisters voice again. _

"_Shalom Ari" _

"_Ziva? What is wrong?" Ari sensed eminently, that something was not right. _

"_Why does something have to be wrong? Can't I just… You know call?" _

"_Of course, I apologize. But Ziva, you have to promise me, that you will call, if something is wrong!"_

"_When are you returning Ari?" she said, avoiding answering._

"_I'm coming home in the weekend"_

"_Okay. We miss you"_

"_I miss you too"_

"_Shalom"_

"_Shalom" _

'_Why did I not tell him?' Ziva stared at the phone, 'because you are strong and have to go through this alone'. She lay down on the bed, taking the blanket as far up as possible, covering for every entrance. Then the anger hit her. How could they think, that they just could use her like that? She jumped up from the bed, taking her running cloth on ran out from the room. She was not stupid enough to try taking him down alone, she needed to train, but right now the only thing she needed, was to get the anger to disappear... _

_  
_They were all shocked and in some way, they had bad conscience. They had all hated Ari for killing Kate, they still did. But now. Now the truth came to them, yes he had been a terrorist, but he had also been an amazing brother. They had never heard Ziva mention Ari, and they rated him of what he did to Kate. Which they never would let go from their memories. He was a bastard, but he was an amazing brother too.

_Ari knocked on the door. He was a day earlier than expected and when Ziva opened, she almost jumped into his arms. The siblings laughed and hugged, Ziva smiled. However, Ari could see something was wrong; the smile did not reach her eyes. _Something Tony could see too, he could probably as the only one in MTAC, see the darkness in her eyes. _Ari stepped into the house and was captured by Tali in a, what the team would call it: An Abby hug. _

"_Ari I missed you so much," the little girl said, looking into her brother's eyes_

"_I missed you too Tali"_

"_Want to see what I made last week?" before Ari had a chance to answer, Tali pulled him into her room. Ari looked surprised around before turning to Ziva, who was right behind._

"_Are my bed still in our, I'm sorry, your room?" _

_Ziva smiled "yes," he smirked at her "no funny business in my bed". Ziva tried to hold her smile, but failed. Or did she? _Tony knew she was shaking inside, but could the other see it? No. They sat calmly watching the screen.

"_I won't, I promise"_

_A voice called from the kitchen. The smell of the dinner was amazing and Tali ran over to her father. _

"_Abba, Ari is home!" Eli David turned to face his son. _

"_Shalom Ari"_

"_Shalom Abba" it was clearly they did not like each other, but they tried to hide it._

"_How is it going in England?" Eli asked and continued making the dinner. _

"_Very well actually, I have some good friends" _

"_That's good" _

"_Yes" Ari felt the sister's __restraint, he tried to make her look into his eyes, but she refused. _

"_Ziva, could you and Tali unpack my thing for me?" Ziva smiled and nodded before picking up the girl and walk out of the kitchen. _

"_What have you done to her?" Ari asked his father angry. _

"_Done to who?" _

"_To Ziva! She is quiet and will barely look at me!" Ari tried not to yell, but Ziva heard him. In the room where she and Tali was unpacking his things, she turned on the music, trying to hide the loud voices for her sister. _

"_Ziva is almost a woman now Ari, do not protect her like that! She need to know what the world can do tot her, and if that means she change, that is what is going to happen" _

"_What have you done to her?" he said again _

"_I have done nothing to her Ari Haswari and you will never talk to me like that again!" Eli slapped him at the cheek and Ziva crimped. She knew they were fighting over her. She stood up and looked into the mirror on the wall. Had she really change, so much as people told she had? Michael asked her almost every day what was wrong. She could not tell him the truth. Her pride was too precious..._

_That night Ari locked the door and for once Ziva felt safe. Ari knew that. Her eyes and muscles were relaxed and she lay down on her bed. Staring up at the ceiling. _

"_Ziva? What is wrong? What have happen to you?" _

_Zivas eyes never left the ceiling as she answered, "Why do you think something has happened to me?" _

"_Ziva, I know you. Who has hurt you?" _

_Eminently Ziva sat up, taking her knees to her chest. Her eyes locked with his before she whispered, "they raped me." _

_Ari barely heard what she said and what he heard shocked him. _

"_Who Ziva?" _

_Zivas brown eyes was locked to the ceiling again. Tears were running down her cheeks. Why did she tell him? He would leave her again anyway. However, she gave him the names. _

"_Have you told Abba?" his voice was angry_

_Ziva nodded. _

"_Then why are these bastards still alive?" they locked eyes, both knew the answer. Ziva repeated the father words "a woman is no woman, if she cannot protect herself"… _

_That night Ari sneaked out and returned after an hour, Ziva sat awake, waiting on him. He nodded and Ziva let the tears fall, he sat down beside her. They sat like that the rest of the night. Ari was feeling more guilty than ever, how could he had had let this happen? _

_  
_McGee stared at the screen, exactly like the others. However, he was the only one who knew how Ari felt. As the only one with a little sister, he knew how terrible Ari must feel. Not able to be at the right time and the right place, to protected his sister when she needed him.  
Gibbs on the other hand was millimeters from calling Eli David and kill him! How could he teat his daughter like that?!  
Then there was Ziva. Tears were running down her cheeks. Ari had loved her, protected her, and always been there when she needed him and what had she done to him? She had placed a single bullet between his eyes. To save a man she did not know!

_The early sunlight was streaming into the room through the window. Ziva blinked once, twice. It was a year later. Ari was home again. They both looked older. Ari was muscular, his voice was deeper and he was taller. Ziva was also taller, her body was more developed and she was still beautiful. _

_Eli David knocked on the door and opened. His son and oldest daughter sat clothed on their beds, clearly waiting for him. Tali was just behind. She was older too. Almost eleven and looked a lot like her sister._

"_You ready?" she eager asked her older siblings. _

_Ari and Ziva both nodded, a trip to the forest was exactly what they had in mind. Or not. Ziva and Ari had done it before. They would be left alone out in the forest, only their gut to tell them how to come out. _

_Trees were rising around them. Tali that had been so __enthusiastic in the beginning, but she began to realize the reality. They would not come home, at least they found the way out themselves._

"_Ziva I am freezing" Tali said, her voice clearly shoved the fear she felt. _

"_Tali relax, we will be out in no time" Ziva gave her sister her jacket. _

"_How can you say that? We have already been here in ten hours if not more!" _

"_Ziva, I think you should see this!" Ari yelled from at place between the trees. She walked over to her brother to see what he had found. A couple of dead eyes were staring back at her. However, she did not react as a girl at her age should, but Tali did. With fear and shock. _

"_Poor man!" she said. Tali had never seen a body. In some way the body looked familiar, but because of the fact that the twilight already had come, they hadn't time to think more about it. _

_Ziva took Tali's arm and pulled her away from the body._

"_Ari we have not time to play around, we need to come out before the darkness arrives" Ziva said, bringing Ari back to the reality. _

_The darkness was almost covering the forest completely, when they reached the end. Tali was sleeping and Ari had carried her the last hour, and Ziva had never been so happy to see her father's car..._

_  
_Tony could not help but smile. Ziva had told him about their 'funny trip into the forest,' he looked at her and they locked eyes, smirking to each other.

"You do not find a trip to the forest fun, Tony?" she smirked at him.

"Nahh, I prefer fun with, umm balls" he sent her his big DiNozzo smile and she laughed.

"Like..?"

"Golf" they looked at each other and collapsed laughed. The other agents just glared at them, didn't see the fun.

Gibbs mumbled, "Sometimes I feel like a teacher in a kindergarten …"

**Haha… Sorry for not updating sooner! What do you think? Good? Bad? Ok? (I promise to make it better in next chapter)…. Hmm I can say that in the next chapter, you will meet someone you know (and it is not Ziva or Ari xD)  
Review and tell me what you think! **

**I own nothing **

**And sorry for my spelling errors **

**:D **


	5. DVD 3 part 2

_A man sat tied to a chair. His face was covered in blood. His eyes were closed in pain. Two dark shadows stood in the corner of the room, whispering. _

"_Davit! This is a mission no need to be soft now!" Ziva hissed. They were sent to get information and kill the man, not to get soft and let him go. _

_Davit turned around and walked out. He was a probie. She had to teach him that a job was a job, nothing more. Even Ziva 'only' was fifteen and only had been on a couple of missions alone or as a leader, she had got her 'own' probie. Davit Parel. He was a year older than her, but had not been Mossad for as long as her. She looked after him before she turned to the man. _

"_Tell me where the cell is and who is leading it! Now! Or I will break every bone in your body, one after one"_

_The man kept quiet and Ziva toppled the chair backwards. Stretched his arm out and throbbing her heel down on the poor terrorists arm. Breaking the bone. The man screamed out. The pain filling his body and Ziva could see it. She smiled. Her voice was full of hate when she spoke. _

"_You think this pain is bad? What about those innocent people who die every time you blow yourself up? Every time you set up a bomb?! Every Mossad agent who have been tortured by you" she yelled by now. _

"_I will tell you… Please I WILL TELL YOU!" he tears were running down his face. The pain lighting out of his eyes. It was evil and Ziva knew it, but THAT look was the look that made her feel alive. To know what she could do with her own body, feel the adrenaline pump in her veins. _

"_Speak!" _

"_I… I was only.. I was only their contact, I didn't… I wasn't responsible for any of their treatment! I haven't touched any of your agents! I am begging you DON'T HURT ME" the desperation in his voice was clear and no one could doubt that he feared for his life. _

"_Where is the cell and WHO is leading it?" _

"_It's here. Not far from here…" his breath was difficult and Ziva knew he soon would be unconscious._

"_The leader who is the leader!?" she pressed a very painful spot on the man's neck and he screamed the name out._

"_Keram Qassim"_

_Ziva made a mental note with the name and drew up her gun. Fired one bullet and the man sat dead on the chair. She left the room without looking back…_

_The camera zoomed in to the body and shoved some very painful scratches. A knife between his shoulder blades. Burn marks on his stomach. At least three broken ribs and of course the bullet between his eyes and the broken arm. _

"Oh my" Ducky said stunned. How could people do thing like that to other people? That was not the Ziva they know. This was a killer. A heartless assign.

"Ziva" Abby's voice was accusing. Ziva didn't look at her. However, Abby continued.

"How could you that to the poor man?"

Ziva didn't react, but Tony did.

"Abby he was a terrorist! Ziva did what she had to do to get to the Hamas cell!"

"Yes! But she could just have asked him or interrogated him without violence! You guys do that!"

Now Ziva could not keep quiet anymore, "Abby that is my job! I hadn't time to play kindergarten and ask a lot of questions. That…" she pointed at the screen "is the way Mossad works! And for your information your CIA is not far from that". No one said anything, Abby new she had lost and both Gibbs and Vance knew she was right about their CIA. 

_"Mission completed" Ziva said into her phone two weeks later. The cell was destroyed and she and Davit waited for their Director to buy the tickets to a flight. _

"_Very good Ziva. And both you and Agent Parel are all right?" Eli David wouldn't admit it, but he was more careful with his daughters, but he needed them on the most dangerous missions. _

"_Yes Director, we are both in one piece. When is our flight?" _

"_Always to the point" Eli sighed "about three hours" _

"_Ok. Goodbye Director" _

"_Goodbye" _

_Davit was leaning up against the wall with a smirk on his face. "Daddy's little girl eager to come home?"_

_Ziva glared at him "Yes. I'm not sure I can be here one more day without killing you" _

_His smile grew even wider "you know you don't mean that. You love me" _

"_Sure I do" she said with a voice dripping with sarcasm, rolling her eyes as she did. _

"_Come on Ziva. Don't tell me you haven't had a good time here with me. Especially at night" he smiled seductively. And she sent him a stone glare. _

"_No not really. You snore like a pig" _

"_And who exactly is speaking?" he smirked. It was no secret that Ziva __snored as sand in a diaphragm._

"_Hmmf" was her only answer. _

"_Let's go honey, we won't miss our flight" _

_They came out into the warm evening air and as they walked, the hotel seemed to disappear behind them…_

_  
_Everyone in room's eyes except Tony and Ziva's was looking at Tony. No, not looking. Staring. It took them a moment to notice the stares.

"What?" Ziva asked, couldn't see why they were staring so strange.

McGee was the first to speak "I'm the only one who has déjà-vu by now?"

The others shook their heads, "no".

"Tony can't you see it? He is exactly like you!" Abby said her eyes big as teacups.

"He is not! I would never…" he tried to protest, but he couldn't really find any argument.

"Okay, maybe a little" he admitted, and turned to the screen again. Ziva sat with a smirk on her face; they were a lot like each other. Or were. She wasn't really sure anymore. Tony had changed a lot.

_  
"Your brother is coming home next week" Eli David told his daughter one night when they were eating dinner. _

"_How long?" her face showed no emotion, but she was really happy. Ziva missed her brother more than anything, they had always been very close and sometimes too close. _

"_A week, but he insisted to stay on a hotel here in Tel Aviv," Ziva looked up confused. _

"_Why?"_

"_No idea, he did not say why" _

_Ziva looked down disappointed. She knew why. Ari hated their father and every time he was home, they were fighting. And Ziva could not help but feeling guilty. It was mostly her they were fighting over. Her training. Her missions. Her private life. Her relationship with Michael. Yes, she had a on-off relationship with Michael. Or not a relationship. It was complicated. They were sleeping together, and went out on dates. However, they didn't love each other. It was more like friends with benefits. They just needed to know that someone loved and wanted them. Michael his life was just as complicated as Ziva's. And when they were together, they knew how the other felt and what they needed. That was the bond in their relationship. No not a relationship. A friendship. A extremely strong friendship. Ari found their good thing and their father found it bad. She didn't need any boy to destroy her concentration on missions, was always his argument._

_  
The week went fast, Ziva and Davit trained 24/7. They needed to trust each other as much as possible. Davit was one of those persons who knew how to make her relax. He teased her, made fun with her. And that opened her door. That five foot thick metal door she had built up for anyone ells than a couple of people. Davit, Ari, Michael and Tali. And then there was Tali, she had just begun her training, but her body wasn't as strong as Ziva and Ari's had been, and that caused her much trouble with her training. That, and the fact that she was too soft. She had always been. It was also that, that made her the best of the three siblings. She had compassion.  
_

_Ziva had just got a call from Ari. Telling her which hotel he stayed on. Telling her to come if she wanted to. She took the keys to her car and started it. Held the gas pedal down and tried to follow, and control the car. Her father had given her a car the week before, but not lessons to show her how to drive it. And that was the reason for her driving. She had taught herself._

_Ten minutes later she arrived in front of the hotel. Threw the keys to a man in the door and walked into the expensive hotel. _

_The man in the reception was old and thin. He was wearing a black suit and his hair was pared back._

"_I'm seeking Ari Haswari" she said_

"_Room 304. Third floor" _

"_Ok. Thanks"_

_Ziva took the elevator to the third floor and stepped off. She easily found the right door and began knocking hard. _

"_ARI!! I know you are in there! Open the damn door and tell me WHY you are staying here… Open the door now!!! If it is my fault you are staying here then…" Ziva froze. It was not her brother who opened the door. _

"_Who are you?!" Ziva's said, drawing up her gun. It wasn't Ari. The person in the door, was a beautiful young lady. She was dressed in only a towel and her brown hair hang down wet. She was clearly just stepped out of the shower. _

"_I'm Caitlin Todd, and you must be Ziva". The woman smiled to her. Ziva noticed she had a lovely smile. _

**Here you go.. I really hope you liked it! Read and Review! Tell me what was good and what was bad ;D  
I don't own anything. **

**Haha just making fun xD **__

_Ziva lowered her weapon. Who were that woman and what was she doing in her brother's room!_

"_Come in" the woman walked into the room and Ziva followed her._

"_Where is Ari?" Ziva did not trust Caitlin. _

"_He is in the bathroom" _

"_And who are you again?" _

"_Caitlin Todd. I am a friend of your brother" Ziva smirked at her. Now she knew why Ari wasn't staying home. _

"_You mean a girlfriend?" Caitlin smiled unsure to her…_

_  
_That was the moment Ziva had fearedmost. The moment when the team found out she had known Kate for years and that Kate had known Ari. She looked at them. All of them sat in shock. Mouths hanging open. McGee stopped the dvd. All of them stared at Ziva, who stared at floor. Tony was the first to speak.

"You knew Kate all the time?" his voice had a hint of anger.

"Yes" she said and looked up.

"Do not blame her for not telling you of me or Ari or anything, you will understand when you see more"

"What about you?" Tony was disappointed and angry "you lied to us!"

Ziva's eyes darkened "oh, and you have never lied to us?"

"Not if I could help it!"

"We both know you had a choice!"

"We are back at that again? You are pathetic Ziva! Kate was our friend and you should have told us when they both dieeeeed" the last word was cried out in pain. Ziva had planted her knee in his groin and leaned in over him with a knife for his throat.

"NEVER tell me I am pathetic Tony! If anyone here is pathetic, it's you!"

"ME?! When have I been pathetic?"

"You always are. Evert time you don't have balls to tell the truth!"

"Stop it you two! Get of him Ziva; I want to finish this as fast as possible!" Gibbs growled

Ziva slowly got of her coworker. Everyone turned to the screen again.

_Ari stepped full dressed out from the bathroom. _

"_Shalom Ziva" he kissed each of her cheek. _

"_Shalom" she smirked. He playfully smacked her in the stomach "I know what you are thinking"_

"_I'm sure you do. I am right, yes?" _

_Ari looked at Caitlin "yes you are. I wanted you to meet Caitlin. And I heard what you said; no it is not because of you, I am not staying at home". Kate walked into the bedroom to get dressed. Letting the two siblings be alone for a while. _

"_Sorry I was yelling like that" Ziva sent him a small smile "I must have scared the hell out of her"_

_Ari laughed "no, Caitlin will soon begin her training too. She wants to be in the American Secret Service"_

"_Ok. Why? Isn't she British?" _

"_No, American. She wanted to take a year on medical school"_

"_Okay. She seems like a nice girl" _

"_She is... How are you doing Ziva? It have been a while" Ari would never admit it, but he missed his sisters just as much as they missed him. _

"_Oh, it's going well. Just came home from Rio. Tali is training the shit out of her. Abba is working. The usual" she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. _

"_Ziva?" _

"_I don't want to talk about it, cause there is nothing more to tell" she indented._

"_I forgot, you have a lover boy for that" he smirked at her and Ziva rolled her eyes. _

"_If you are referring to Michael then no" _

"_Of course I'm referring to Rivkin. Have you broken up?" it was nice just talking like that, Ziva thought, however, she wished they had another subject. _

"_We have not been together Ari!" she said defeatist. He just lifted an eyebrow. _

"_Well, we are just friends… with benefits" _

_Ari laughed. His sister could be so stubborn sometimes. He began to wonder where Caitlin were. _

"_And your partner? Davit? How is he?" _

"_Well he's a probie"_

"_Yes, but how is he? Can you trust him?"_

"_Yes I think so. He is smartass and can be a pain in the ass but he is loyal" _

"_And that's is the most important" _

"_Yes" _

_Caitlin walked into the room again. She held a phone to her ear. _

"_What do you want to eat? It's room service" _

_They quickly ordered their dinner and catched up with each other while they ate..._

**Well, yes THIS is the ending on the fifth chapter. I just wanted to explain Ziva and Rivkins relationship, just sex, no love. Hmm if you read between the lines (and the ideas in my head) you can guess some of the things in the next chapters. Oh, and Kate came in ;D almost forgot to mention it.. You like the way she joined the story? And what do you think about this chapter at all? Liked it? Hated it? Review and tell me! **

**Sorry I'm not updated for a while, but I have been busy :)**

**And sorry for my spelling errors, I am still waiting for one who will correct them before I post xD **


	6. DVD 4 part 1

**Well here you have the first part of chapter 6 :) Enjoy and review!**

**Is it bad or good? I 'only' got 5 reviews and I'm really happy for them, but I know that there are more than 5 persons who reads this and if the story is getting boring then TELL ME! :D I can't do it better if you don't tell what is bad…**

**Thanks to nic523 for giving me some ideas to this chapter and the next.. ! **

'_So Ziva, I would give everything to see you and the team watching this. All the problems would will get in when they sees the truth and the plans. Al the things you have lied to them about. Oh and Caitlin, you lied to them the whole time. And the little piece of her you still are taking care of. How cute. Well in this episode we will have to say goodbye to someone and hallo! And our little Ziva is growing so fast! Daddy David should be proud by now, but as always he never cares about his children.'_

Ziva's face was cleared for emotions. How could this man be so right? I was scary. He could as the only man make her feel sorry for herself. Make her want to cry. Make her miss her brother more than anything. Make her want to leave the states for good.

_Years were passing by. Ziva was training and soon she became a legend in Mossad. The way she could kill, leaving no evidence. She was Tali's mentor exactly like Ari had been for her. The little sister was learning and Ziva was pleased with the sisters training. While Ari was gone the sisters had grown closer._

"_Tali you need to focus" she said. She knew the girl was tired, but Tali needed to learn how to throw knives. _

"_Ziva… I can't! It won't listen!" _

_Ziva could not help a smile crushing her lips. _

"_Tali your knives will never listen to you. Nothing will ever listen to you. You will always have to convince or force. It is the only possibilities you have" _

_Tali threw the knife again. Placing it in the stomach. _

"_Tali! They will not die if you only hit the stomach. You have to hit the heart" _

"_Then do it yourself!" the frustrated girl yelled and throw the knife to her sister. Without turning to the target, Ziva threw the knife over her shoulder, hitting the heart of the model. _

"_See! Try one more time and then we stop" _

_Tali threw the knife again. Almost hitting the right place._

"_Not bad Tali. Not bad" _

_They sat down on a table in the other side of the room. Tali drank almost whole her bottle of water. It was hard for her; she had much it easier with language. A comfortable silence was filling the air. _

"_Ziva?"_

"_Mmm?" Ziva's eyes were closed; she hadn't slept for two days. She had agreed to train Tali in the day, but she needed to take care of her own training too. And that had to be at night. _

"_You think Ari will come on Sunday?" _

_Ziva opened her eyes "why?"_

_Tali just glared at her sister, how could a girl forget her eighteen- years-old birthdays? "Your birthday Zee!" _

"_Oh, umm I don't know. He is busy studying. It is hard studying medicine. And of course he have to take care of Caitlin too" Ziva's lips curled into a smile. Caitlin really made her brother happy. She could see it in his eyes. _

"_Yes, but he would never miss your birthday because of a girl" Tali said matter of factly. _

"_I don't know, they have been together for a time now. I think he really loves her" _

"_Three years and six month" Tali said automatic, coursing a weird look from her sister. _

"_You are counting?" Ziva laughed_

"_And what if I am? I think it's sweet" she lifted her chin a bit. _

"_You too romantic Tali. When you get a boyfriend yourself I think you will notice it isn't a dance on roses" Ziva smiled, Tali had always lived in a fantasy world. That was what made her so fantastic. _

"_I have a boyfriend!" she protested and that almost made Ziva fall down from her chair. _

"_Who?"_

"_Davit" _

_Ziva was fighting not to let her mouth drop. Her sister was together with her partner? _

"_Isn't he a bit too old for you?"_

_Tali sent her an evil look "just wait to you fell in love and meet the true love" she said it with such a power that Ziva had to laugh._

"_No, not believing in it" _

"_Not believing in what?"_

"_True love. The only place where you see 'true love' is in the fantasy. Sorry Tali, I'm just realistic" _

"_Ha' I bet you won't say that the first time you fall in love!" _

"_Just forget it Tali. Love is just a bad excuse men use to get into your pants" _

"Wow Ziva, that was hard" Abby exclaimed

They all turned to look at the goth. "What? I mean she is eighteen and…" Ziva cut her off.

"If you need any proof just look at Tony"

Tony turned to face her "hey! I'm sitting right here!"

"Yes?"

"I'm not…"

"Oh, yes you are"

Tony could sense this was a soft spot and didn't try to argue. He knew she was right. Men ALWAYS tried to get beautiful women in to bed. No man could deny that. He had done it himself.

_Ziva slung her arms around her brother. _

"_Shalom Ari" _

"_Shalom Ziva," she sent him a huge smile and turned to Caitlin who had gone with him. _

"_Shalom Caitlin"_

"_Shalom Ziva"_

_Caitlin took Ziva into a hug, and Ziva look just as uncomfortable as when Abby gave her one of her famous hugs. _

"_Congratulation Ziva" Kate's eyes were shining and Ziva let out a small smile. She still felt uncomfortable around Caitlin. _

"_Toda" _

_Ari turned to smirked at her. _

"_Still living home?" _

"_Yes, there is no need to buy a apartment, when I aren't home anyway"_

_Ari nodded, "when are you next mission?" _

"_Mission I don't know. However, I am going to a conference against terrorism in Washington next month. The CIA want us to help, like they can't do anything by them self" she said, rolling her eyes. _

_Ari laughed, Ziva hated America, no one knew why. He doubted she knew it herself._

"_Ziva can I talk to you for a moment?" Ari asked, looking at Caitlin before he took his sister into her bedroom. _

_Ari stopped a moment to look around. Not much had changed. Yes, his things were missing, but she had not taking the place. The drawers and shelves were empty, only his desk used. By her laptop and a half redden book. _

"_Yes?" she said, sitting down on her bed, crossing her legs. _

"_I proposed to Caitlin" he said sitting down beside her. Ziva looked up at him, didn't really know if she was happy or sad, maybe both. _

"_Congratulation" _

"_Thank you"_

_Ziva sat quiet for a moment, no longer liked Caitlin as much as she had a moment before. Would she take him from her?_

"_When is the wedding?" she asked, her voice full of thoughts. _

"_There are not going to be one," her eyes were filled with questions as he looked at her for the first time in a while. She had grown, looked more like a woman than a girl. Beautiful actually, not that he cared, she would always be his little sister and he would love her no matter what. _

"_Why?" Ziva asked curios _

"_Ziva, we both know that you and I aren't going to be more than thirty, and I can't leave Caitlin behind, just as you can't leave some child behind. Engagement is the closest thing to a marriage that we can ever go, and Caitlin understands that. That I love her doesn't mean that I don't love you and Tali. Of course I do, and I always will." _

"_I know. I … I just don't trust her" Ziva lifted her chin and looked suspicious into his eyes._

"_You trust me?"_

_Ziva did not have to think about it "yes. Of course" she answered eminently._

"_Then it had to be good enough" he answered seriously. _

"_Yes, but you can't force me to like her if I don't want to" she said, smiling and leaving…_

Gibbs actually smiled when he saw that. It was so typical Ziva; no one could ever force or make her do something she didn't want to. However, he could see on the young girl that it wasn't Kate as a person she didn't like. It was the fact that she was afraid to lose her brother for good.

"_Ziva you are taking the next flight to Washington END OF DICUSSION!" Eli yelled as they were in the middle of a loud discussion. _

"_What about Tali and her training? No one knows how long it is going to take! If you sent her out on a mission now, she will get killed! She isn't ready!" _

"_She knows the price for being Mossad! Know leave and take the next flight or YOU are going to pay the price!" he said opening the door for her. Ziva didn't even hear the last part. She slapped him hard on the face before walking out of the office. Almost didn't feel the bulled Eli David placed in her leg from behind as he yelled "you will NEVER slap me again, understood Officer David!" he slammed the door shut and Ziva kept walking until she felt too much blood leave her leg. How could he be so heartless to his youngest daughter? _

_  
Tali sat in their bed as Ziva walked in. The left leg on her trousers was soaked in blood. Tali jumped of the bed and help her sister down. _

"_What the hell happened to you Ziva?" Tali freaked out._

"_It's not as bad as it looks like" she greeted her teeth as Tali cleaned the wound. The bullet had passed through without hitting anything in her leg. Now she just had to stop the bleeding._

"_Who shot you!" she angry yelled _

"_Tali! Relax, I acted without thinking, I deserved it" she said, trying to make her sister realize it. _

"_Abba did this to you?!!!"_

"_Yes, but…"_

"_No Ziva, now shut up and hold the towel tight while I'm getting a bandage..."_

_Ziva didn't heard the words Tali was mumbling on her way out. Which probably was a good thing. Tali was furious! Her father was going to pay for this!'_

**Review and tell me what you think! **


	7. DVD 4 part 2

**Here you have the next chapter, sorry for the long wait. Thanks to ncis523 for the help to this story. Read and review. Gives me some ideas too, that would be great**_. _

"_The plane to Washington DC is arriving in ten minutes. Please don't  
leave any baggage behind," the annoying voice in the plane told Ziva, waking  
her from the sleep. She looked out of the window; the sky was covered by gray  
clouds. 'This is going to be long time' she thought as her eyes once again  
were gliding around in the plane._

When the plane had arrived Ziva picked up her baggage and walked out of the  
airport. When she saw the 'car' the embassy had sent, she rolled her eyes.

The 'car' was a black limo with a driver dressed in a suit. As the  
daughter of the Deputy Director of Mossad she always got a better treatment  
than the other agents. Sometimes she really hated it. It wasn't Mossad's  
respect she wanted. It was her fathers.

As the man opened the door for her, Ziva stepped in. The limo was not big,  
but it was still too big for Ziva who, if she had a choice, would pick a mini  
as her car. It was small and fast.

"Ms. David?" Ziva took her eyes from the window as the driver said her  
name.

There was no time to sleep, but god she was tired. She really just wanted to  
get to the embassy and get the sleep she needed.

"Mmm?"

"I will wait for you in front of the embassy tomorrow at seven"

"No need to, I will drive myself" Ziva hated the drivers slow driving and  
there was no way he was driving her the whole week.

"But Ms David I have ord-" Ziva cut him off

"I don't care about your orders, and I'm here on business not pleasure,  
which means, it is Officer David"

"I apologize…" again Ziva cut him off.

"Do not apologize! It is a sign of weakness!" she was tired, annoyed and  
just wanted to kill the man right now. The driver got her message and rolled  
up the window between the front- and backseat… 

Gibbs smirked, this was Ziva. Impatient and would never let anyone take care  
of her. She found the things other people would kill for annoying or  
indifferent. The only thing she wanted was to really know her father. For  
Gibbs it was clear, she had the same look in her eyes, as Kelly had had when  
he was about to go away. Even his eyes never left the screen; he noticed the  
glares his Senior Agent and Mossad Officer were sending each other. He had  
always suspected they were more than partners, but he was never sure.

_The next morning Ziva was ready by 6'oclock, the driver had sat a car in  
front of embassy. A red mini. Ziva smiled, it was the car she often borrowed  
when she was in the states. The warm air was playing with her wild hair and  
she felt warm in her cargo trousers and white T-shirt._

When the conference began Ziva listened attentively. Some of the things were  
actually not as stupid as she thought.

To make the bond between the different agencies stronger, they had mixed the  
agents. So when Ziva got to see her name in the list she didn't recognize  
any of her 'teammates'.

A voice beside her mumbled "Ziva David" and Ziva turned to the woman;  
automatically correcting her "It is pronounced Da-veed."

The woman took her eyes form the list to look at the exotic woman beside her.  
Her face lightened up in a smile.

"Hello Agent Da-veed"

"Shalom" Ziva shook her hand and took a good look at the woman. She had  
long red hair, not as long as her own, but down her shoulders. Her eyes were  
light brown and she smiled friendly.

She was probably a couple of years older than Ziva herself and then of  
course, she was an NCIS agent.

"Ziva David" Ziva said politely, trying to get the name of her new  
teammate.

"Jennifer Sheppard. However, you can call me Jen. Nice to meet you Ziva"

Gibbs stared at the screen as he recognized his old partner, friend, director  
and love. Jen had been much more beautiful than he remembered. It broke his  
heart to know that she was dead and never would sent him one of hers beautiful  
smiles again. Knowing that she would never complain about him, because he  
never knocked on the door to her office. Not to tell her to keep her fingers  
out of his cases. He smiled sad at the memory.  
The other agents sat with a sad smile too. Remembering all the beautiful  
things with Jen.

The two agents were walking down the hallway. Their team would be the two of  
them and they were on their way to get their orders. The agents at the  
conference would be sent all over the world to fight against terrorists.

Ziva knocked on the door and stepped in, followed by Jenny. "Hello. Mossad  
Officer David and NCIS Agent Sheppard"  
"Shalom"

"Hello"

"I will get straight to the point. You two will start in Europe and end in  
Africa. Germany, Deutschland, Italy, France, Spain, Morocco and Egypt are just  
some of the countries you will be operating in. You'll fly to Berlin;  
Germany is the next month first Monday at 7.00 am. If something should go  
wrong, you can only contact your contact-man here in the States. He will  
always have his phone on and only one of you get to meet him. David, he will  
be waiting in the room down the hall, he will only contact you and you will  
then give the information further to Agent Shepard, without saying anything  
about your contact, it is safest that way. Any questions?"

"No" they answered at the same time and he nodded. Silence told them to  
leave.

When Jenny closed the door behind she walked to the left and Ziva continued  
down the hallway.

Ziva knocked twice on the door and stepped in. When the door opened a tall  
fit man opened. They both stepped into the meeting room. Ziva quickly took in  
the room, checking it for microphones and cameras. The man shook her hand.

"Hello. I'm Trent Kort"

"Shalom. Ziva David"

_"Ok. If you come in trouble you will call this number" he quickly wrote  
some numbers down on a paper and handed it to her. "The code is 'See  
You', if you say that in a call to me, I will trace the phone and send  
backup,"_

Ziva just nodded, she knew the drill it was no big deal. Ziva did not like  
him, something about him just made suspicious. He was not much older than her.  
And still he had that good-evil look in his eyes, like a snake. Trent Kort  
could apparently feel her distrust and quickly spoke.

"Ok, I know you don't trust me, I don't trust you either, but we will  
have to trust our director so much to know that we are on the same side.  
Deal?"

"Deal. Monday, a month" Ziva stood up, gave him the hand and disappeared  
out of the room. Back in the room sat a smirking Trent Kort.

Ziva's face appeared in the door for a moment "oh, by the way, we never  
met" then she was gone…

Tony could not help but feel a little stupid. He had worked the most of a  
year to try and identify Kort and then Ziva had known him the whole time? Why  
hadn't she said something?

All the nights he and director had sat in MTAC just hoping to find the  
matching name. He violently took the remote from McGee, putting the DVD on  
pause.

"You knew him the whole time he was on screen in MTAC and the bullpen?!"  
his voice was angry and hurt. He could feel the others stares on them.

"Yes" Ziva said simply, did not regret she did not tell them of her old  
friend.

"Why! Why didn't you tell us? Tell me? Than would had made the whole  
situation easier, or it would at least not lasted so long" he kept his eyes  
on her.

Ziva could not help but laugh "Tony, had you really expected me to help you  
with that, umm what did you call it, mission?" her laugh was fake, but only  
Tony seemed to notice.

"Yes Ziva! I did!"

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Tony. However, if you are crying over  
my lack of honestly you should leave, cause I have hidden much worse things  
from you" they just sat, staring into each other's eyes for a minute.  
Neither noticed when McGee carefully took the remote out of Tony hand.

He started the movie again, and when Ziva saw where in her life they were,  
she paled and stiffened. Her hands shook as she took her knees to her chest.

Gibbs felt Ziva's tension and looked worried at his Officer, something bad  
was about to happen…  
_  
Ziva lay on her stomach in the bed in her room. Going and packing the things  
she should have with her to Europe. There was almost a whole week to, but Ziva  
had always liked to be prepared._

She just could not find her little knife. The knife covered as a hair buckle.

"I'm going to kill Tali if she has it" she mumbled under her breath.  
Then her phone rang.

"David?"

"Ziva? Could you pick me up at Sara's father's restaurant now? You  
promised Abba you would,"

"Yeah yeah yeah, as soon as I find my knife that disguises as a hair clip.  
Have you seen it? " her voice became a little sharp at the last words.__

S_he heard Tali giggle. "I think Ari loaned it to Caitlin. He is still a  
little overprotective of her,"  
"I'm going to kill him. Ok, I'll be there as soon as I finish  
packing,"_

"Ziva, that's going to take forever. Cant you just pick me up and then  
finish packing?"

"Bye Tali" she said sweetly and she heard Tali groan in response.

Ziva cut the connection. A thought had hit by the mention of Kate's name.  
Or it wasn't Kate as a person, but America. She did not know from which  
airport they were flying. She quickly dialed the number she had to Jen.

"Hello?"

"Shalom Agent Sheppard"

"Shalom Ziva, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Jen or  
Jenny" Ziva could almost hear her smile.

"Sorry Jen. However, I'm calling because I was trying to get a plan over  
our… Trip next month. Do you know from which airport we are flying?" the  
line wasn't safe and she could not let anything about their mission.

"Ziva. There is only one international airport in DC" Jen rolled her  
eyes.

"Oh" that was embarrassing. "Thank you and sorry. Good bye"

"Good bye Ziva" they hung up and Ziva took her car keys from the table.  
She hopped in her car and was in the restaurant in ten minutes even though it  
was normally a twenty minute drive.

She pulled up to the restaurant and got out to go find Tali. She was a foot  
from the enterance when the whole place exploded. She ran into the restraints  
looking for Tali.

"Tali! Tali! Answer me Tali! Please answer me," she heard a groan and  
then her name in the back of the restaurant. She ran over to where she saw  
Tali laying cut up and crushed under a piece of the ceiling.

"I'm so sorry Tali. I should have came when you called," she ranted  
while moving the pieces of ceiling off her.

"Not your fault Ziva, if it was meant to be it was meant to be," she  
gasped out. She was bleeding out of the mouth and Ziva knew it was a lost  
cause trying to save her.

She moved from the spot that she was trying helplessly to free her sister and  
went to kneel beside her.

Tali moved her hands to her necklace fingering it, "I want you to where it  
and think of me and our good times and how much I love you," Ziva saw how  
difficult it was for Tali to talk and knew it would be soon.

"I love you to Tali. I'm going to miss you so much. Look over me will  
you?" Ziva smiled through her tears as did Tali.

"Always and forever Ziva,"

"Always and forever Tali," with that tali's eyes closed and the life  
drained from her. Ziva took the necklace off of tail and put it in her pocket.  
She wasn't wearing hers either because of her and jen's mission.

She kissed tali's head as she heard the paramedics coming in. she tried to  
get them away from Tali insisting she was dead but they took her away  
anyways.

The worst part was that was the last image she would have of her precious  
little sister. She was flying out for her mission before tali's funeral.

The last image on the screen before it faded out was Ziva on the plane toying  
with the necklace a lone tear streaming down her face.

As the screen faded to black everyone turned around to look at Ziva. She had  
her head buried in her knees with her arms wrapped around them. It was obvious  
she was trying as this guy was bringing up her worst possible memories.

Tony and Abby went to go comfort her. They got within two inches and were  
about to rub her back when she snapped at everyone. She looked up, her tears  
now gone. Her face was dark and her mask was up.

"Don't touch me! Don't try to comfort me! Just don't! I don't need  
your sorrow or guilt or anything. I need you to play the damn DVD's so I can  
get out of here."

McGee played the next DVD….

**Thank you for reading, review and tell me what you think :)**


	8. DVD 5 part 1

**This is the chapter that you have been waiting on. I hope you thinks it was worth the wait. Thanks for all you reviews, keep them coming. And read my note in the bottom, it's kind of important. Sorry for the wait. Read and review and seriously, tell me if the chapter suck, other ways I can't make the next better. **

_*In Paris*_

"_Namir DRIVE" Ziva yelled from the backside of the motorcycle. They had just been inside their targets house, 'putting him to sleep', but unfortunately the old lady in the apartment beside had heard, and they had a hard time coming out without being seen.  
Namir gassed the motorcycle and drove back to their safe house. Where Ari waited. _

_Ziva threw her helmet in the corner, walking into the apartment. Ari sat in the sofa, cleaning his gun while the TV noisy sent a lousy movie. Ari had heard them coming and threw the cell phone to Ziva the moment she entered the living room. _

"_24 missed call?" Ziva asked confused, they had only been gone for nearly four hours?_

"_Yes, you boyfriend can't live without sex it seems" Namir said from the kitchen. _

"_Shut up Namir! He is an operation and I haven't slept with him"_

"_That explain the calls" he muttered laughing and a smirk crept over Ari's lips._

"_You are pathetic" Ziva replied in the moment the cell ringed… again._

_Ziva left the room and Ari and Namir sat in a comfortable silence. Ari still thinking on his lovely fiancé, maybe Ziva was right? Had Caitlin really changed him to the better? Was it meant for them to be together for life?  
Ziva entered again, braking off his thoughts. _

"_I have a date with Alec to night. He takes me out to dinner at the restaurant around the corner. You will be following yes?"_

"_Of course" Ari said, he would never let her alone with their target. _

"_And if I don't get clue out of him while we eat; we are taking him down yes?" _

"_No" Ari said simple _

"_Ari, I have been dating this guy for three month, if he need to feel the pain before talking then why don't we just…" Ari cut her off. _

"_Because I say so and I'm the Officer here!"_

_Then there became quiet, Ziva knew it and she respected her brother more than anything and had known him long enough to know when to argue with him. And this was not the time. So she went to her bedroom, preparing her to the 'date'._

_The hours had gone by and nothing had happened. When Ziva couldn't deny the fact that she had to go with him home anymore, he paid the bill and they left. _

_Ziva returned a couple of hours later. Both Namir and Ari were waiting for her. _

_Jealous as always Namir asked "how went the night on? Was the date worth it"_

_Ziva just walked past them muttering "I feel like a whore" just loud enough for them to hear. When the bathroom door closed Namir add "that because you are a whore" _

"_What did you say Namir" Ziva yelled from the other side of the door, clearly she had heard the words. _

_Just as the words had crossed his lips he felt the darkness surround him. Because in the moment the words had crossed the lips of the man, Ari's gun had collide with his head and made him unconscious... _

_*month continued like this. Ziva dating Alec to get information's, Ari and Namir checking up on the intal*_

_The light of the candles on the table between them, made Alec's dark eyes glint and Ziva felt the warm fill her body. That warm that always spread in her body when Alec looked at her that way. He loved her. He had told her more than once. And the scary fact was that she loved him too. She had tried to deny those feelings for so long. Tried to convince herself about the fact that they didn't exist. Just tried to make them disappear. But they did exist. And here she sat, feeling how her heart arched for the man in front of her. Something she soon had to learn to control. He was handsome, no doubt about that. Tall, muscular, tanned, deep dark eyes, she could go on forever. And then, of course he was Greek-Spanish and clearly had the good of both sides._

_Several times that night Alec told her that she loved him. Told her how he felt about her. And every time she replied. Tried to forget the voice in her head that told her how wrong she was. A voice she should have listened to. That night when Alec dropped her off at 'her house' and kissed her good bye, she felt the bad gut feeling in her stomach._

_Ziva stood in front of the door, watching him drive off before she stepped in, just to see Ari and Namir waiting for her. _

_Ari stood up, "Eschel I think you should start packing for tomorrow," the other agent nodded and left the room.  
Ziva eyed her brother, something was up, why should Namir suddenly pack? _

"_Ari, what aren't you telling me?" _

_Ari stood a moment, staring out in the darkness, "we received a new order today. From the director, he want us to drop the mission, he need us on other missions and since we got nothing out of this, he things it's time to drop it. And eliminate all contact people" he turned around at the last words, just to see how her face dropped. _

"_Ziva you should never had been in this mission with us, you are in love with the target, and now you have to kill him."_

_Ziva sat in a moment, feeling how whole her body froze. Then she stood up waling over to the window away from Ari. The seconds before she again turned around felt like hours, but finally she looked at him. _

_Her voice was normal, a bit hesitant maybe, and her face was as stone. Nothing showed her hurt.  
"I can't kill him Ari. I can't do so"_

"_You love him" it wasn't a question, but matter of fact._

"_Yes" _

_Ari walked over beside her "if he would live, would you then be willing to give up your life as it is. Give up everything to be Rebecca Nevue, just because of a man?"_

MTAC was filled with a silence. Tony stiffened beside Ziva. He had heard those words before. He saw himself in the men's room years ago, just after his breakup with Jeanne. Ziva hadn't been angry at him like the others, she had been sad. On his ways. Cause she had been there herself. Had fallen in love with the wrong guy and now she had to kill him. But she wouldn't, wouldn't she?

_Ziva stood for a moment. Not answering. Then she grabbed her car keys and walked out. Ari knew where she was going, he read her just as easy as she read him. _

_The rain streamed down on the windscreen, it was hard to see where to drive, but as always Ziva just followed her instincts, not the rules. _

_In no time she stood in front of his door. The dark tree seemed much darker than it used to. Dead was painted over it. She felt an urge to leave again, but she knew than then it would be too late. If she just one time had turned her back to her target then she would never return to Mossad, cause then she was broken, weak. _

_Ziva knocked once, twice before the door was opened and Alec handsome loving face was just in front of her. Just as he was about to say something, the bullets from her gun cut him off. He felt to the floor in pain. Bleeding. Coughing. She closed the door and left the building. The only sign of what she just had done was that single tear that was running unnoticed down her cheek…_

'What a sad ending in Paris yes? You retuned to Mossad more resolute than ever and then you trained harder and longer than anyone before you. You became one of the best agents in Mossad. Eli David was so proud and yet so worried, because no one told the poor man what had gone wrong on the mission. Just that the girl who left Tel Aviv, wasn't the one who came back, she was woman. Eli has never known his children. He didn't know Ari was a treat to Mossad and when the boy saw his father he wanted to kill him. He didn't know his oldest daughter didn't really want to be in Mossad from the beginning and every time she couldn't control her feelings she went to the gym. Not to train, but to relieve her feelings. And he didn't even know how talented his youngest daughter was in everything. He simply had more important things to do and care about. Poor children. And then they died one after one.' the text disappeared again and Ziva wanted to kick the chair in front of her.

Abby was about to say something, but Gibbs cut her off with an elbow in her ribs. He knew how Ziva was and knew that now, she probably was on the edge of killing something. Cause as she just had showed them, Mossad was who she was. And no matter how much they tried to convert her, a part of her would always be Mossad.

_Ziva once again sat in a plane. This time on its way to Berlin. Jenny would meet here there. The clouds were passing by, and soon Ziva found herself almost asleep. But only almost, cause she was Ziva David, a highly trained Mossad agent who never let her guard down. When she felt her cell vibrate she was completely awake again, carefully checking the caller before answering it. _

"_Shalom Ari"_

"_Shalom Ziva," the moment Ziva heard his voice, she knew something was wrong, he never sounded like that. He sounded… frustrated? Hurt maybe? _

"_What's wrong?" _

"_Nothing, I just…" Ziva cut him off _

"_Liar. What have you done Ari?" _

"_I didn't do it on purpose. She just… And then.. What am I supposed to do?" he said frustrated, clearly blaming himself. _

"_Ari , what have you done!" she asked once again, but this time a bit more intense. _

"_Caitlin is pregnant…"_

Ziva knew it would come. The time when she would have to face her coworkers and tell them that a lot of the things she had been telling them or let them assume, were lies. She had known Caitlin. Hadn't trusted her, but she had known her. She felt Tony stiffen beside her, watching him take the controller out of McGee's hand so he could stop the video. Ziva who had been staring at the frozen screen felt his eyes burning her and the others following them curios.

"You lied to us. You knew Kate, and then your brother knocked her up. You lied…" his voice was filled with anger and hurt.

"Oh and you never lied to us Tony?" she knew she shouldn't say it, but she could not help it. The video was certainly not hers idea!

"When have I…" he didn't even have the changes to finish

"Jeanne"

"You didn't even know Jeanne! And Kate was our friend, you owe us that much…"

"If you for once could keep your big mouth shut and just watch, you may see that what you assume not always is right!" Ziva took the controller from him and started the DVD again.

"_Ari…" she sighed "what are you going to do? I thought you were the doctor, protection ect."_

"_I don't need a lesson now Ziva! The damage is done. And… And Caitlin has left for America," Ziva knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't help the relief washing trough her body. _

"_And what?"_

"_She said that she wouldn't ever see me again and it all was my fault. That she wouldn't have the child that she wound send it over here after the birth. Ziva tell me I can fix this!"_

"_Ari she would never send a child, that's ridiculous! Wait… she said what?"_

"_She said she would never see me again" Ziva had never heard him like that before, he sounded lost. Like a little boy without his mother. _

"…_and that it was your fault" anger raised in her. How could she say that? _

"_I'm only asking you for one thing Ziva. I'm going on an operation tomorrow. Would you please try to talk with her? I know you don't trust her or like her, but when I again will have the chance to talk with her, it will be too late. Please Ziva!?" _

_Ziva was quiet, not because she wouldn't do it but because she was making a plan, "of course. I have business in America anyway, but I'll have to finish this mission first. It will not take more than a couple of month, then I have a bit time off". That got Ari back in his old mood._

"_What business?"_

"_You know what Ari" _

"_You are not going into the CIA!!" he hissed. Was she insane?_

"_We made a deal! You take the HAMAS, I take CIA. HAMAS did it, CIA knew it! End of story, I don't want to discuss it"_

"_Yes, but I'm not going into HAMAS before a couple of years. Who gave you that intel? How do you know it's true?" _

"_A CIA agent I know. Just trust me Ari"_

'_The plane will arrive in ten minutes please turn off all electronic, please' _

"_I'll have to go. Shalom Ari"_

"_Shalom Ziva" _

_She turned her phone off and stared out of the window. Why was everything going the wrong way? Ziva closed her eyes as she felt the plane beginning the descending…_

_***_

_Jenny and Ziva sat in car on its way down through Europe. With Ziva behind the wheel of course. Jen sat stoned in her seat, pale face and red eyes. _

"_You seem a bit, anxious, Jen" Ziva smirked, observing her friend. _

"_WATCH THE ROAD!" Jen yelled, not a bit amused by her partners driving. _

"_Come on Jen it's just a car a…" Jenny's yelled cut her off._

"_Car Ziva! Car!!!" and just in last second Ziva turned the car away from the coming crash. Just to see Jenny threw up beside her. _

Ziva smiled by the memory. She had had a good time with Jenny. Smiling. Talking. Working. She had been a good partner, but when she came to NCIS as director, she changed. Their friendship slowly dissolved. While Ziva became soft, Jen became hard. In Europe it had only been them and they had had fun.

"_Jen.. drive a bit faster. Please!" Ziva moaned as she sat staring at the Turkish nature. _

"_No. Just sleep, then maybe you can have you turn when we reach Israel" _

"_Maybe I should ask my director to drop of a car to me. Then I'll wait for you down in Cairo" she teased, Ziva wasn't used to sit down for so long. They had had some business in Berlin, Kiev and Baku but it hadn't been enough to use all her energy. They had driven a detour so they hadn't needed to show their fake passports so many times. _

"_Father Ziva. Not your director, your father"_

"_I'm on a mission now, yes? Then he is my director"_

_Jen didn't answer. Ziva kept quiet. The silence once again filled the car for a couple of hours..._

**So? I'm very curious to hear what you think about the chapter! This was the first part, I will begin writing the second part ASAP. Did you like it? Was it worth the wait? What did you hate? I have a list on what I want to have with in this story, what things would you like to have with? Examples: Jen and Ziva in Cairo, Ziva's revenge on the CIA, Ziva joining NCIS, Ari's dead, + some surprised, what else do you want to add? **

**Review and tell me.**

**One of you asked with the purpose of this story, well I thought you had got it, but if you don't then there not is a purpose. This story shows some of stories behind the hints she gives us ones in a while. **


	9. DVD 5 part 2

**Well its very embarrassing it have already been a month since I updated last, but I hope the chapter will make it up to you. Thanks to nic521 for her help with the Cairo scene and for to ncisaddiction 10, my (do you call it Beta reader?) anyway she correct my errors :)**

_Ziva was tired up to the wall. She wanted to lie down, but she couldn't. The ropes were cutting into her wrists. For weeks she and Jenny had been in this mess. They had got caught. It was a statement. They had got caught and now their chances did not look good. She felt the blood run down her legs from where the men had cut her deeply with their knives. She felt how her body parts ached every time she moved because of all those times she had refused to talk and instead gotten their beating. But now it had to be over, she was too strong for this, she would get of here, in one way or the other…_

_That night when her guard came in with her food she was prepared. She had in some awkwardly way gotten her hands free from the rope. And in the moment he entered her cell she hit in the head and he fell to the ground. Then she broke his neck, stole his weapons and ran. Her steps were quiet, but suddenly she stopped. She could see the door in front of her, but she could not go out of it. She couldn't just leave Jenny behind. In matter of seconds she turned around and ran back to her cell. Jenny was next to hers and she picked the lock and quietly opened the door…_

Gibbs felt how his heart ached. This was the moment Jenny always talked about when they talked about her time with Ziva. However, he had never gotten more out of her than Ziva had saved her life and that she owed the Mossad Agent her life.

_Most of Jenny's clothes were covered in blood, her wounds were infected and the fever had taken over her body. She rarely recognized Ziva when she cut over the ropes that held her. Ziva had to use all her power to lift up her partner. Jenny couldn't walk. She had no strange back and Ziva tensed all her muscles and hoped they would get out alive. When they found their way out they heard voices yell behind them, Ziva speeded up, but so did the men. They started firing and just as she slipped out the door and bullet found its way into her shoulder. Ziva tried to ignore the pain. The thought was like a mantra on her head. 'Get Jenny out, get Jenny out, get Jenny out'.  
It shocked Ziva to see that they had been hiding in the middle of Cairo in a warehouse. It seemed way too easy to get out. As a van with open trunk drove past them in a slow tempo, Ziva threw Jenny up. She knew it would hurt her, but it was their only way with the shooter behind them. As Ziva was on her way up in the trunk, a bullet collided with the door and sent it in her direction. She wasn't fast enough and the bullet landed in her knee. She just had got the old potato sack thrown over her and Jenny when the men appeared in the door. They cursed loudly before getting into their own cars and trying to search the area…_

_They had driven for hours and Ziva had no really idea about where they were. The only thing she knew was that they needed to get to the hospital fast. Her own wounds were beginning to hurt more badly than in the beginning. And Jenny had started shaking and sweating by her fever. _

_Sharm el Sheikh.. That was where they were. Ziva carefully lifted Jenny up and when the car slowed down in speed they jumped off without the driver noticing. But then again, a man who drove with articles, why should he notice two uninvited passengers?_

_Ziva hailed a cap and asked the driver to get them to the nearest hospital. But as always the driver would not drive before he has seen some money. When Ziva pulled out the gun and placed it to the head of him, he speeded up and they were in front of a big building in less than ten minutes. Ziva jumped out, pulling Jenny with her before the cab sped off again. _

_*_

_After a couple of weeks in the hospital in Sharm el Sheikh, they finally convinced the nurses that they were fine. Or at least fine enough to take a plane back to Tel Aviv. And so they did. When they arrived Jenny got back in a hospital bed while Ziva took home. She was not ready but refused to spend one moment more, chained to a hospital bed…_

Ducky sat as medical examiner and studied the woman. She needed rest, but instead of that she took a run. She needed food, and she ate mineral bar. She needed someone to take care of, but she hadn't.  
A sad expression filled the old man's eyes. She needed love in her life. She needed to realize that she couldn't do everything by herself, that her body wasn't as strong as her mind…

*

_The gym was empty. The only sound was Ziva training. And training. And training. She did that a lot. She was over the mission. She just needed the adrenalin. It was like a drug to her. The training had been good for her as a Mossad Agent. As Ziva… she just didn't think so much about the things. Ziva was so caught up in her training that she hadn't noticed the man in the shadows, watching her. Finally she took a break. The bottle with water was almost empty and just as the last drop sneaked it's way down her chin, a filled bottle came flying though the air. Ziva had seen the bottle and caught it, as she eyed the man in the shadows. She recognized him, was he here to tell that she had screwed up? She knew that. _

"_Ziva, you saved her" Ari's voice said. _

"_I got myself caught!" she hit the training pillow hard. _

"_It wasn't your fault, you didn't deserve the punishment" at his words she turned around and angrily faced him. _

"_Could you stop that!" she almost yelled. Before kicking the pillow again. _

"_Stop what?" _

"_Treating me like I'm a girl!" _

_For the first time Ziva had done something against her lovely brother. They meant endless much to each other, but now she had to stand up without him as backup. _

"_I'm not, Ziva. You are too rough to yourself"_

"_You are! I screwed up, you know it, I will take my punishment as a man!" _

"_But you are not a man Ziva!" _

"_Oh you make me sick" with those words she threw the second empty bottle to him and walked to the shower. She already regret her actions, but it didn't change the fact. _

_While the water was running down her body, the thoughts were driving her crazy. Ari would be leaving the next day and if they had to cooperate, they should at least be talking. She shot the shower off, and quickly got dressed. _

(A couple of weeks later)

_Ziva walked out of the airport. Once again seeing America, but this time with a feeling of worry in her stomach. What was it Jenny called it? A 'but' feeling? Yes, it had to be that. Ari had told her he would be transferred to a HAMAS cell in Washington DC, and as his control officer, Ziva had to follow. She had never liked America, and not at all now with the plans she had made. She new Ari would try to stop her, but it would be useless, she had used almost half a year building up a cover. However this would be quick. In. Out. Done… No! She had to focus on helping Ari first._

_Outside the airport her Mini was parked as promised. Ari had already giving her the GPS coordination's.  
She would probably be driving for a couple hours before she reached the safe house. Or the house she would set up for Ari. _

_The house wasn't big, but a simple detached house in a neighborhood where no one suspect a Mossad agent to be. Ziva quickly went through the house. Setting screens up with connection to cameras all around the city. Secure telephone lines. And of course a cover to use outside HAMAS. _

'_René Saurel. French. Born the 10__th__ April 1975. Lived with his mother and aunt….'_

_Two weeks before she had to leave Israel, Ari had been calling her. Asking for a favor. A NCIS team had to be involved in this…_

'"_Ziva I need something" _

"_Are you asking me as a sister or as your control officer?"_

"_Which will be easiest for you?"_

"_That depends…"_

"_On what?" _

"_What you are going to ask me about"_

_In the other end Ari laughed "Always the same Ziva, so playful. But this is serious Ziva; I need you to profile a NCIS team for me"_

"_Well, I need some names Ari" Ziva sensed this wasn't the time for teasing and quickly focused on the conversation. _

"_Yes, Agent Timothy McGee, Team leader Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Senior agent Anthony DiNozzo, Forensics Abigail Sciuto, Forensics Donald Mallard and his assistant Gerald Jackson… It's Kate's team, but there is no way out if this, you don't have to profile her"_

"_Got it. When do you want them?"_

"_When you come to America little sister, it will not safe to send them" _

"_Shalom Ari"_

"_Shalom Ziva" '_

That night Ziva had learned the basic of her future teammates. What they liked. What they hated. How they were out of work. Their background. Anything… just to be used by a terrorist…

*

_The office in the NCIS building had been filled with paperwork and special agent Caitlin Todd had way to much energy left. That's why she took the stairs to her apartment that evening. She locked the door up; still humming the song she had heard in the radio on her way home._

"_But then you kissed me and suddenly I don't care anymore__  
__Something in me tells me you're the one I'm looking for__  
__But then you kissed me and suddenly I don't care anymore__  
__Something in me tells me you're the one I'm looking for__  
__From the KISS__  
__From the KISS" _

_Kate kept the singing on her way into the kitchen, her eyes widened when an arm got around her neck from behind. Too late for her to react. _

"_Shalom Caitlin" Ziva's voice sang, dangerously close to the NCIS agents ear._

"_Ziva" Kate said, tried to focus on her breathing._

"_Should I say congratulations or do you prefer we skip that part?" _

"_Why are you here?" Ziva laughed at her question._

"_Why do you think Kate?" Ziva tightened her grip on her former sister in law. _

"_I am not keeping it!"_

"_Then what are you going to do with it?"_

"_I can't raise a child! I am going to send it to Israel, to you. Then I am not longer responsible" Ziva froze at her words. She wasn't really going to leave her child was she? _

"_You are the Ima of that child! Just because you are going to leave it, it does not mean that you are no longer responsible" _

"_I know, but that is how it's going to be" Kate said, she wasn't proud at all for her decision, but wanted to start a new life when she joined NCIS, and a child would just destroy it. On that, she was sure. _

"_It's your mess to clean up. But if I ever see you near my brother again, I will kill you. Don't ever doubt that, am I clear?" Ziva said, hate and disgust to the woman in her voice. _

"_Yes" with those words Ziva cut her slightly in the neck, not hard enough to make damage, but hard enough to draw blood. And then she disappeared…_

Ziva sat in MTAC with the others; she could almost feel how her teammates tensed beside her. However they did not say anything.

Tony was angry and hurt, not because what Ziva had done to Kate, but more all the things she had hidden from him. He would never have known any of those things if it wasn't because of the video. He would never have known all the things she had been through.

_Ziva sat in a café close to the NCIS building. She read her book while her tea stood damping on the table. Even she did not turn around she had felt and heard him before his arms wrapped around her from behind. A small smiled crossed her lips as he kissed her cheek. They had both agreed that they were too far away from each other to have a relationship, but when they met, they would use much time together as they could. And Ziva enjoyed spending time with him, contrary to her relationship with Michael. She had romantic feelings for him. _

On the screen Ziva laughed and Gibbs was in MTAC getting more and more attentive. With his good hearing he had heard what the man said to her and eminently recognized it. Sure as hell, that when the camera showed the face of the man Tony would shoot his partner.

_The man took a seat on the other side of the table and the face and body of Trent Kort appeared..._

Ziva felt how all Tony's muscles, again, tensed to the point. Yet he didn't say anything.

Gibbs looked at his senior agent slightly amazed by his silence.

"_Shalom Ziva" his voice was for once friendly and warm and Ziva laid down her book before replying._

"_Shalom Kort" she smiled to him. The Trent Kort in front of her wasn't the one he was now. And in some way, she knew that she was the one who had made him so heartless. _

"_We should take business before pleasure yes?" _

"_You never change do you?" he laughed and sent her smirk, (in MTAC, Tony was almost throwing up)._

"_No. I don't. Say what you want, then I say what I want?" _

"_I need intel on these persons", he laid a list in front of her. With the backside up of course. Her eyes skimmed the names before she find a lighter and burned the paper. _

"_You will get in the end of this week"_

"_And want to do want?" he smirked _

"_I want to know everything about CIA agents Leanne Martin, Rick Jones, Nikki Jardine, Frank Johnson and Ronald Simon" _

"_Can I ask why?"_

"_No" this time she was the one to smirk, she really didn't need the intell on most of them, but she had to cover up her trace. _

"_So what brings you to America this time Ziva? Business or pleasure" Trent eyed her suspiciously, but still amused. _

"_I am here as Officer Haswari's Control Officer" _

"_Your brother?" he lifted an eyebrow, something was up, he could feel it. _

"_Yes". Just then Trent phone rang and his boss wanted him back in the office. When he was gone, Ziva picked up her book again… A not on the side she had reached said '"I'm going to pick you up at the embassy tonight. See you.'…_

MTAC was very quiet and Ziva sat uncomfortable in her seat. She knew they wouldn't like her friendship/relationship with Trent, but she did not care. And she became slightly surprised when Ducky was the first to speak.

"The world is very little" they all gave him a confused look.

"Can't you see it guys, all the persons ends in some way here with NCIS, Trent, Ari, Michael, Eli… It's kinda kinky, don't cha think?" Abby said, to explain the others Ducky's words.

"You are very unlucky with the wrong and bad men you find Ziva" Abby continued and thought back on Michael Rivkin, Andrew Hoffman, Roy Sanders and now Trent Kort and Alec. Every relationship she had had, had gone wrong.

"They were not bad men Abby" Ziva smiled, "not all of them"…

*

_She had prepared herself for this for so long. To finally get the revenge that her heart so badly demanded. That revenge that would make her free form the guilt. Or so she thought. She had used the intel Trent had sent to her a week later. Gotten all the small puzzle pieces into one brilliant picture. He had known, now he would pay..._

_The night was moonless when interred the roof of the building, from where she could assassin her target. She had, from the info Trent had giving her, found out where the buildings weaknesses were and how to pick the right moment. _

_The director of the CIA was rarely sleeping at home he had his couch in the office and that was good enough for him. Of course Ziva wasn't stupid enough to try and hit him in his office, the glass was bulletproof and she would get caught. Something her plan did not involve.  
She was a good sniper and for this she needed it, the men's bathroom was not big and the window was even smaller. And she laid a couple of blocks away, on the cold roof just waiting for the man to go out and 'do his businesses'._

_She had laid for four hours before her target decide to move in position. One…two…three.. four… she counted in her head and fired. _

_The head of CIA laid dead in the men's bathroom. Not to be found until the next morning…_

Stunned they all sat in MTAC. Everyone remembered the episode. It had been everywhere, ZNN, ect. The CIA had had no lead. They found the roof, but it was clean from DNA. The riffle they found in a river not far from building had been even cleaner. At last, they had told the world that their CIA boss had been killed by Al-Qaida. Tony couldn't help but think how surrealistic it all was. His partner, Ziva David, had coursed the dead of one of the most important men in the world. Without getting caught. He wanted to shake her, to yell at her, to slap her. Not because she had killed the man, but because it had has such a big risk. She could have been caught. Then she would, probably, be assigned by the CIA, without the world's knowledge of course.

Vance felt divided as he sat there between the members of Gibbs' team. One of his Agents had coursed the death of an important man. What should he do? If he reported it, there would be such a big hell between Israel and America that it probably would be the 3rd World War. At last he decided that if the world until now had lived without a killer of the CIA head, then they could live a little longer in suspense… 

**I have already started next chapter. Review please and tell me what you think. **


	10. DVD 5 part 3

**So hey again guys. Well this time it wasn't a month. I hope you like the chapter! Review and tell me. And thanks to my beta reader. She is doing a great job.**

**Glædelig jul og godt nytår! ****(anyone who understood that?) I'm just curious. **

_As always Ziva woke up at 5:00 am. She took on her running cloth while staring out of the window. The dawn was breaking through the dark night. Something Ziva always had admired. How the day always started all over. A new beginning. The cool air drifted down her lungs and she ran her usual ten miles before coming back.  
The warm water from the shower streamed down on her as she tried to warm up once again. The thoughts were driving her crazy. And it wasn't all thoughts that she was proud of. Why did Ari need information on the team? He would not kill them, would he?_

_Suddenly a ringing phone interrupted her thoughts. As all the other Mossad employed on the embassy, she had woken up at 5:00 am and now, an hour later, everyone was working. Later that day she would meet Ari out in the safe house. _

_She had a bad feeling about this mission. Something would wrong, it was like waiting for a volcano to explode. She would have lunch with Jenny at noon, who by the way had become the director of NCIS. Ziva had been slightly shocked when she heard the news. It could destroy everything between them, or it could make it stronger. That, she was going to find out. Which side would she take if it all went wrong? A voice in her head already knew it. Jenny had always had a soft spot for this man; Gibbs. She hadn't clearly said anything, but Ziva could see it in her eyes…_

Abby sat in MTAC, holding her breath. The things on the screen were too quiet now. Silence before the storm. She could really use a Caf-pow right now. Wait?! Why was she thinking on that?! Her friend was being mentally tortured right now and the only thing she could think of was her Caf-pow! The guilt washed over her. Suddenly she jumped up.

"Abby?" questioned McGee. Stopping the movie.

".Sorry!!!" she cried, jumping over and hugging Ziva tight. Almost suffocating her. Ziva looking more uncomfortable than usually.

"Abby?" Tony asked a bit surprised and confused.

"-pow!!!"

A small smile crossed Ziva's lips; in some way, Abby never seemed to stop surprising her.

"Abby, you are hurting her" Tony said again. A bit amused by how his friend could always lighten the mood in a room.

Abby squeezed her friend one last time before walking back to her seat.

_The two women sat in the usual café in Georgetown. Or Jen's usually café if you will. A comfortable silence was between them, neither wanted to break it, to have the needed conversation._

_Ziva had never been patient, and of course that hadn't changed, "Jen, where do you stay in this?"_

_The other agent seemed to think about it before answering, "I don't know, it depends on what will happen. If Gibbs will goes after Ari, without a reason, I will stop him. But I can't afford making mistakes already."_

"_Of course not and congratulations," she sent her friend a wry smile "but, I profiled Agent Gibbs. He won't give up. When he discovers his identity, he will go after him and you know it. And if he does, it is my duty to kill him, and I'll do it."_

"_Your duty is not to kill him Ziva. It is to stop him. Yes, I know how Mossad sees on these things," she added when she saw Ziva's mouth opening, "but it's about how you put it."_

"_This is about more than your and Agent Gibbs' pride!" _

"_So it's only about Ari? He shot one of my men and held two others hostage Ziva!" _

"_I did not say that! I am saying that this is bigger than that. Ari is our and yours only mole in Hamas and Al-Qaida, do you afford to lose him?"_

_Jenny just nodded. She knew she couldn't win. They needed Ari in Al-Qaida. And Hamas. In a sad way he was their only chance. She wished it would have to be this way._

"_When do you start as director?" Ziva said, trying to change subject. _

"_A year probably. I have some things to do meanwhile."_

_Ziva nodded of course. _

"_Ziva? Why is this mission so important to you?" Jenny asked, she knew Ziva. She usually did not involve so much and so personally in a mission._

"_Just remember what I said and think about it. This is bigger than us," Ziva said, avoiding the question. She laid some money on the table and stood up. Kissed Jen's cheek, and disappeared down the street._

_*_

_After having been in the states for another month, Ziva returned to Israel to get the last of the details in place. She would be moving permanently to America for a while as control officer. Her mission was to hold stakeout on the NCIS team, observing what she could, listening their phones, following their leads. It wasn't a mission she was looking forward at, but it was necessary. _

_She packed the last of her clothes in her suitcase. Even her furniture would be in the apartment. It seemed uncomfortably empty without her personal belongings in it. Suddenly the doorbell rang, interrupting her thoughts. She glared at the clock, it was almost 3 o'clock am and eminently her suspicious ions rose. Who the hell would be knocking this late?_

"_Who is it?" she demanded from inside her apartment. _

"_Night delivery," a young Israeli boy replied. He couldn't have been more than fifteen years old._

_She quickly opened the door a bit more, allowing the boy to delivery his package. When he had disappeared again she began examining the box. It was big enough to contain a basketball or a bomb she thought. _

_However when she started opening it, there were no sign of danger. At least not until she had the content discovered…_

Ziva, far away in her own mind as she was, only herd Abby's gasp and felt Tony squeeze of her hand as a foggy memory, when Davit's head appeared on the screen. Mistreated, bloody, dead… and of course severed from his body..

Tony knew this. She had told him once long time ago…

"_You know anyone who got their head cut off?_

"_Yes, a friend. He was captured and tortured. They sent it back with the night train" _

She had been talking about Davit. However, he hadn't only been her friend, but her partner and kind of brother in law. He squeezed Ziva's hand harder. Sensing how far away she was in her own thoughts he did know whether to snap her out of them or let her linger in her memories. 

_*_

_The Ziva on the screen was holding a pill in her hand. It was green and looked very dangerous. Of course it did. It was pure poison. Would kill you in less than two minutes as soon it met your __gastric acid and the poison would spread in your body…_

Tony sat terrified and pale in MTAC, remembering what she once had said _"That was when I decided I would never let myself get caught"_ he begged that she would never get use of it. But saw how she put it safely in her pocket.

*

_The plane was getting a natural part of her life now. The annoying voices, the mess of people, the endless hours in the middle of prude business men and noisy children. Hopefully this would be her last trip for a while. Now she had an appointment with Jenny when she arrived. Which was a very good time in her mind. No one in the building. No agents, minimal guards. Honestly she didn't want to use Jenny this way, but the fact was that Ari's innocence just was more important. He was all she had…_

_Just as she has planned there were almost no people in the Navy Yard. A well built guard showed her the way up to one of the meeting locals where she was supposed to meet her former partner. _

"_Shalom Ziva"_

"_Shalom," she kissed her cheek and sat in the chair on the other side of the table. _

"_What can I do for you?" Jen asked. More by politeness than ignorance._

"_Have you more leads on him?"_

_Jen shook her head, Ari had been quiet, but her gut told her he was building up something big. She could just never tell Ziva that, she would make a hell._

"_But Gibbs won't give up, they got one of the nerds from Norfolk to make a program than scans him thought every possible database. He will discover his ID once Ziva, yes it will take time, but that are you gonna do when he does?" _

"_Fight, hopefully I got everything I need at that time." _

_Jen sighed; this was no more than hell. She had seen Gibbs' face every night when he used the hours on watching face after face being showed on the screen. She now hoped it would stay quietly between the agencies. _

_Ziva saw the look on the future director, knowing she was just as concerned about the situation as herself. _

"_Can I borrow the bathroom?" _

"_Sure, I take you know where it is?"_

"_Yes." _

_Ziva closed the door behind her as she went into the square room, quickly eyeing where Gibbs' area was. At every discrete place she could find, she put the small cameras and microphones. Some she had gotten designed just to herself. Agent DiNozzo's lamp, Caitlin's printer, one under McGee's keyboard key and the last and most hidden, Gibbs' NCIS-rules book. Something she was quite sure he never looked in. Just as silent she had come she went back into the meeting room. Jenny sat, staring out of the window, noticing how everything had changed since the last time she had sat there. _

"_Jen, I have to go. The embassy called, they got a room for me." She laid down a note with name of the hotel, room number and telephone number._

_Jen just stared at it for a moment, "Let's hope we aren't gonna need this for other than pleasure." She sent her friend a weak smile. Just as Ziva was stepping out of the room she heard Jen's soft voice saying that she still own her for the time in Cairo… _

In MTAC, Ziva almost felt how Gibbs mentally kicked himself. How could he have been so stupid not noticing this?! Of course all the things were taking back down now, she would have done that the moment she became a part of his team. However, all thoughts were disturbed when the text once again appeared on the screen:

_So Ziva, we do all know what comes next. How Ari killed the lovely Caitlin, really like a Romeo and Julie romance. Of course with a dark, evil, betraying knight instead of a handsome, rich and gentle lover, as the man Shakespeare's character was…_

Ziva sat frozen in her seat. She wasn't even aware of the tears that threatened to swell up in her eyes. She forced herself back to reality. This was the past, years she gladly had forgotten, why did they all have to come once again?

… _A loud shot rang out… Kate laying dead one the rooftop…_

_The all too well known 'ding' of the elevator, announced the arrival of the Mossad Officer. She knew the square room and where the bullpen was. However, this time, there actually sat an agent. Of course he was having phone sex, but an agent was an agent. She would never get used to these, way to open, American men. How would you sit in public and still have phone sex? A small smirk crept over her face. _

_While arguing with the agent whether he was in charge or not, Jenny and Gibbs, finally arrived. Jenny more concerned than pissed by the situation. But one feeling they all had in common, was sadness…_

Then it stopped. IT STOPPED?! Ziva sat, confused as hell, glaring the black screen in front of her. Where was that damn scene she had feared so much? This couldn't be good. Ziva locked eyes with Gibbs, who had the same alarmed hint in her eyes as she had herself. Ziva felt how Tony had stiffened beside her. How his eyes had turned all foggy and his thought and mind was far, far, way…

**So tell me what you think ;)**


	11. DVD 5 part 4

**Hey guys, well I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while.. I could lie and say it was because I have been busy, but honestly.. I haven't really felt like writing.  
This and the next chapter should have been one, but because it became a bit long I divided it.  
Please tell me what you think! Cause I have been so unsure on this chapter. **

McGee sat a moment staring at the black screen. He knew the others were waiting for him to push the next DVD in, and so he did.

_The morning was cool as the red mini was racing though the streets. The music was pumping from the radio. Even though the time only was 4.30, Ziva had more energy than she should. She had skipped her run this morning. When she arrived at the Navy Yard, everything but a couple of windows was dark._

_The guards eyed her closely, but when she showed them her __temporary badge, they let her pass. One of them followed her up to the bullpen. _

_As the only empty desk, Ziva had no choice, but taking Kate's old one. Not that it bothered Ziva, Kate was dead and would never return. She just hoped her future teammates would look at it the same way. _

_*_

_Several hours later, when the sun had raised and a couple of agents had arrived, she finally heard the childish voice of Anthony DiNozzo._

_He was mumbling something…"Freaking hate Mondays, if Gibbs sees me like this," a very angry looking, dirty agent tried to say on his way to his desk. Ziva felt a smile crush her lips. This was America. Lazy people, no stress. _

Ziva smiled at the memory of their first real meeting. Or her first day at NCIS if you like. However, she too, knew what soon would come and she couldn't face Gibbs when he found out. She stood up from her chair, earning all of their questioning eyes to lay on her.

"It's meaningless to just sit here while I could contact some people to try and actually get anything out of this," Ziva said, while walking over to one of the laptops in the dark sides of the room. "Any of you got anything yet?" she asked, more to Ducky and Abby than the rest of them.

"Yes. Our murderer has very interesting sight on life…," Ducky began, just to be cut off by Gibbs.

"Interesting?"

"Yes Jethro, think about it. He is only showing parts that make him feel better. You can almost hear it in his sarcastic text. Everything that makes our Ziva feel bad; makes him feel better. He is seeking acknowledgement of some kind. Jalousie I would say. He wants everything Ziva has, possibly even you my dear, a lover maybe? He needs to turn your life down so he can see that his life is more meaningful. He wants to ruin your life and he knows exactly where to hit you Ziva."

Ziva sat frozen in her chair. He was right wasn't he? No matter how much she cared for the doctor she couldn't help but think how annoying his education was sometimes.

"Abbs?" Gibbs said. The goth girl sat a moment, "No symbols I can think of. But I do have a question, why in hell would _you_ date Trent Kort, I mean come on Ziva, you can do better than that!"

Ziva felt an ironic smile cross her lips as she answered, "He is a nice man, Abby"

Abby stared at her "Are we speaking of the same man? That Trent Kort who almost murdered Tony?!"

"At least I did not meet him at the graveyard!" Ziva shot back.

"Could you two please drop the chit chat so we can get done with this?" Tony asked, rather uncomfortable. However, before any of them got the change for answering, McGee turned up the sound of the video so none of them could ignore it.

_Ziva and Trent sat in her living room, watching a movie. It had been quite some time since they had spent the evening together alone. However, Ziva wasn't really paying attention to the movie anymore._

"_I'm going to Israel in the weekend," she finally said, breaking the silence, but still focusing her eyes on the screen._

"_I thought you like it at NCIS," his voice was flat, but his eyes were full of discreet curiosity._

"_I do. We just got some... complications after the death of Ari and Caitlin. Their little girl."_

"_Ziva," he said a warning in his voice, he knew what she was thinking "You are not brining a child here." _

_That caught her full attention. "Why not? She is better here than with my father!" She stared straight into his eyes. _

"_If you are bringing her here, we end our relationship now," his voice and eyes were dead serious._

"_In that case I can tell you, that you have a bag in my bedroom, so you can just start packing your stuff!"_

_That pulled the trigger and the CIA agent stormed out of the apartment. Leaving a thoughtful woman behind. _

_*_

_Everything was a mess in the moment. It was the only thought running through her head after having spent almost an hour arguing with her father about what to do with the little girl. Apparently Kate had signed the paper that gave the David family the authority over the child, just before she died. Ziva had really tried to get her father to give her the girl, but he had placed her in a dilemma where she had no choice. Either she would return to Mossad and have the girl. Or she would stay at NCIS and leave the child in Israel. She had decided on the second choice. Giving her Aunt Nettie the responsibility for Ari's child. It hadn't been easy, and it certainly wasn't something she was proud of, but she just wasn't ready to return to Mossad yet. Not after everything that had happened._

_An hour later she sat in a plane back to the US. _

_*_

_As she entered her apartment, she noticed that Trent hadn't been to pick up his stuff. It took a moment for her make up her mind, and she made the final decision. Quickly packing all his stuff, she took off again, this time to a place she knew too well._

_His apartment just in front of her. Her fingers slowly ran down the hard wood of the door. She couldn't deny the fact that she had feelings for him, but she also knew she had to do this. Three hard knocks on the door and he stood in front of her. _

"_Ziva," he nodded, his eyes gave away how he was having a mental argument._

"_Shalom Trent. I wanted to bring you, your stuff," she said, with humorless smile. _

"_Ziva…Did you bring the child with you back?" The bag hung careless by his side. _

"_No."_

"_Then why…" _

"_Because I can't do this anymore. I won't." _

"_But you didn't take her with you. That was the reason…" he was clearly confused, she wasn't b… no. She couldn't be. He held his face natural, just as dead and natural as hers was. As the CIA agent he was._

"_No this is about more than her; I don't want you to control me Trent! This isn't the first time and you know it. I need something different." _

"_Fine, go to hell!" he said angrily. Hurt. He watched as she turned around heading down the stairs. It only took a moment for him to follow her. His CIA façade was gone and all he thought about was how he just couldn't let her go._

"_Ziva I'm sorry I won't spilt up with you hating me." _

_She had stopped when she had felt his grip on her arm. Now, she stood with her back to him, listening to his words._

_When she turned around her eyes was softer, she wasn't so tense. She softly placed her hand on his cheek, "I am, sorry." With those words she slipped out if his grip and walked out in the night letting the rain soak her clothes as she went the short distance to her car._

_That night, she drove to the building. That building. The rooftop from where Ari had shot Kate. Ziva sat there the rest of the night. Just staring, trying to come into the thoughts of her brother. When she discovered it was 5 o'clock, she drove home, taking a long, hot, shower. _

_*_

_The day had been a mess. McGee had shot a police officer and was now under investigation, his story falling apart from every hour. Tony had years ago sold his sperm and was waiting response form a woman from the donor bureau, but every time they called, they always seemed to have an excuse so he couldn't get to talk with the woman who a contacted him. So again, a mess. Even she hadn't slept all night, she was just as always. Lack of sleep was not a stranger to her. _

"_So Zee-vaah, aint you gonna see how probie takes the interrogation?" his green eyes was only a few inches from hers._

"_In fact. I am." She leant a bit forward "However he hasn't been in there yet. Its only 1.45pm, he would come in at 2 o'clock." A smirk crushed her lips as she stood up, felt how his eyes followed her all the way out to the ladies room. _

_--------_

_It was almost a year since she had arrived at NCIS. And now everything was falling apart. Gibbs was in the hospital. Blown up by a bomb from a terrorist nobody seemed to know. As the elevator stopped and Ziva stepped out, the voices of Abby and McGee could be heard. Talking about all the mess on the pictures could be Gibbs'. _

_At last Ziva couldn't stand it more, "For God sake Abby, it's not!"_

"_But what if it was!" the Goth stubbornly kept on. _

"_Then they would be more coffee brown than red." _

_Smack!_

_Smack!_

_Smack!_

_Smack!_

_Abby hit Ziva, Ziva hit her back. _

In MTAC Tony had stopped the movie, with a big grin on his face. Winding back and playing the scene again.

_Smack!_

_Smack!_

_Smack!_

_Smack!_

"I would do anything to have been there." He smirked, earning a Gibbs smack from Abby, after taking the remote from him. He glared at Ziva who sat really pale beside the computer. Refusing to be too close to the team.

_Gibbs was sleeping quietly on his hospital bed. Ziva needed to wake him up, he was badly needed and well she refused to give up on him! She was furious. On herself. On the terrorist. There was no way she would let him forget what she had done for him! Even if she had to shoot him to make him remember. It was selfish and she knew it. But what could she do? She was Mossad, this was just a temporary place. He should mean nothing to her. But he did.._

"_Do you always finish people sentences…?"_

"_Only when I'm in hurry." _

_He didn't look as bad as she had imagined. No actually, it could have been much worse. _

"_I CAN'T remember."_

"_Try harder" the tears was burning in her eyes._

"_YES! That's a start."_

"_What is?" _

"_The old Gibbs's stare! You gave it to all of us! Me, Tony, McGee!" Her voice was hard, yet throaty. _

"_I don't know what you are talking about!" _

_She took his hand, smacking the back of her head. Seeing how flashbacks invaded his mind. _

"_Kate, remember Kate.. Ari shot Kate… __And I… __I shot Ari!" she broke. For the first time since, she broke. The tears were streaming down her cheeks._

"_You shot your brother. To save me." As she nodded, he took her into his embrace..._

_Ziva entered her apartment, quickly scanning the room. As always she checked her answering machine before changing clothes. But today she didn't get changed... 'Ziva, I knew it was a trap before you told me. Agent Gibbs is a fool, he believes you are at his site. Ziva I'm going to get him tonight, I want you to take the first flight to Paris you can get. As I told you, I'm going to meet you there.'_

_Terrified Ziva stood a moment. He had really killed Kate. Why else would he have to kill Special Agent Gibbs? Quickly she grabbed her keys and ran out of the door. Speeding of faster than usually. But not the place where Ari wanted her to go..._

_Almost soundless she parked the car in front of the old house. And even quieter she sneaked into it. The door wasn't locked, that was good. Then Ari wasn't gone, yet. _

_A deep, muffled, voice sounded from the basemen: "I have killed enough men in my life Ari.. It will be just as sweet watching you die." _

_The charming and yet so dangerous smirk, crushed Ari's lips as he lifted the riffle, "Goodbye..."_

_He didn't get the chance to say anything else as a nine millimetre bullet found its way into his head. Killing him where he stood. _

_Ziva looked at the weapon on her hands. Warm and smoking. She had fired. For a moment she considered running as an option. But it wouldn't change the fact that she had killed him. By their own accord, her legs began to walk down the stairs to the basement. She hadn't even time to watch the look on Gibbs face, all she saw was dead man in front of her, and the blood that slowly was running out on the floor..._

Without anyone noticing Ziva sneaked out of the room. She felt like throwing up. Why did he have to bring all this up again? The air outside MTAC seemed so much cleaner than the air inside that was filled with all the bad memories. Out here she didn't feel so naked. The ladies room on the first floor was smaller than the one down under, but also cleaner. She splashed water in her face, not sure what to do. The cold water felt good against her pale yet hot face. The tears and the vomit were threatening to come.  
Ziva sled down the wall knees to her chest. Trying not to focus on anything.

When Ziva left the room, nobody noticed. Or did they? Tony did. He would just give her a moment alone before trying to find her. He knew her better than anyone and knew that now; she was weaker than ever. Kate's funeral was playing in the background as he, too, left MTAC. With no one but Gibbs to notice.

Review (:

NCIS21


	12. DVD 5 part 5

**Hi guys well I'm sorry it took this long for updating. It's really embarrassing, because I cannot even remember when I updated last. But anyway. Here is the next chapter, please read and review. **

When Ziva left the room, nobody noticed. Or did they? Tony did. He would just give her a moment alone before trying to find her. He knew her better than anyone and knew that now, she was weaker than ever. Kate's funeral was playing in the background as he, too, left MTAC. With no one but Gibbs to notice.

Outside MTAC, everything seemed unrealistic and normal. As he looked around, he noticed that the only doors on the first floor, other than the director's office and MTAC, were the two bathrooms.  
Even though several agents sent him pervert looks when he entered the ladies room, Tony did not care.

"Ziva?"

Ziva did not look up when she heard his voice. She knew it was him, even before he spoke.

Ziva sat with her knees to her chest. Her forehead was resting on her knees. Tony felt his heart ache at the sight of his partner.

"Why me?"

"I don't know."

The silence once again took over as Tony slid down beside her. Putting an arm around her, he squeezed her arm.

"You do know they are gonna kill us, right?" Tony said, trying to make her smile. And a little smile played her lips.

"No, Gibbs is going kill us."  
Tony's eyebrows rose. "What about Abby?" Ziva smirked, "She is just going to kill yo..." The ringing of Tony's phone cut her off.

"Yes Boss" was the only thing he said before smacking the phone shut and standing up. "Come on." He nodded in the direction of MTAC before offering her a hand.

-

_The big port of the hangar plane opened and the officers bought out the casket. Ziva was one of them. As one person they sat down the casket and put on the Israeli flag. The quietness filled the air. Eli standing in the front. Emotionless as always. _

Ziva and Tony entered MTAC again. Ziva return to her seat in front of her laptop and Tony to his seat beside McGee.

"_Ziva, it was for the best. He died in the name of his country." Michael's voice was gentle. The darkness had fallen around them as Ziva kept staring at her brother's grave._

_In the name of his country..._

_Which country?_

_Not Israel?_

_No._

_No he didn't die in the name of his country... He died suffering for it... being __strangled by it… by Mossad… by her father…_

_In one move she turned around. Two steps and she was in the car. Leavening a rather confused Michael behind. _

_-_

_She sat in her room. Their room. That little room where they had lived as children. They. Now she was alone. She had been responsible for Tali's death, now she was for Ari's as well. She had pulled the trigger. Not her father. Not Gibbs. She had killed him in cold blood. _

_Ziva stared into the gun. There was no reason to be here anymore. As she was about to pull the trigger, the gun pressed against her jaw, she realized it. If she did so, Eli would win. In disgust she throws the gun at the wall with all the power she had, making the trigger pull itself. The bullet came flying out, just beside her head, boring deep into the wall behind her. She felt the blood running down cheek form the scratch it had made. Angry and frustrated she left the room…._

_-_

"_Jenny?"_

"_Hello Ziva, what can I do for you?"_

"_I need some time away from Israel."_

"_What are you suggesting?"_

"_You have a job for me?" _

_Silence filled the phone for a moment, and Ziva actually feared the answer. _

"_Give me a week Ziva, and then I will have a job set up for you."_

"_Toda Jenny." _

"_You're welcome, you will hear from me soon. Good bye."_

"_Shalom."_

_Ziva shut the phone. She hoped she would get to replace Kate. Not because she didn't respect Kate. But Kate was dead and didn't matter anymore. All she wanted was to be on Agent Gibbs' team. He was the only one, beside herself, who knew the truth. Maybe that would help her getting away from the guilt. He would know she had no choice. Wouldn't he?_

_-_

Tony and Ziva looked at each other with angsty eyes. They shared something that none of the others knew about and they wanted it that way. They had both screwed up badly and both regretted how it had turned out. But it was in the past, and as Ziva always reminded herself, 'you can't change the past, but you can destroy the present by worry about the future'. And it was in the past, all of it. She had cried, she had suffered and she did not want those feelings to return, especially not now.

-

"_I owe you Ziva." She gave him a small smile_

"_I will collect Jethro."_

_As Gibbs and Ducky left the square room, they returned to their desks. A silence filled the room. After hours of what should have been paperwork, McGee finally went home, leaving Tony and Ziva behind. Neither wanted to be alone tonight._

_When the clock was about 20.00 Tony spoke, for the first time in hours. _

"_Want to join me in a movie night?" he wasn't his usually life full self, but he hoped._

"_Which movie?" _

"_Slumdog Millionaire?"_

"_Sure."_

_They packed their stuffed and headed for Tony's place. None of them were in the mood for anything else than be in each other's company._

_That night they both fell asleep on Tony's couch, with the last scrolling texts and soft music playing in the background._

Gibbs looked at his agents. Ziva was sitting staring into the computer screen, acting like the she what not following the scene. But he knew she was. She had kept staring at the same point on the screen for ten minutes now, and her hands had not touched the keys once. 

Tony sat rather uncomfortable in his seat. Not knowing where to look or what to do. He envied Ziva at that point. That she could hide from the stares that bored into her back.

"_Tony isn't Gibbs Ziva." McGee sat at his desk, they were in the middle of an tough case and right now, nothing looked too good. A little girl had been kidnapped, leads were impossible to find, none of them had slept for 36 hours and now McGee tried to put it all on Tony._

"_What are you saying?" Ziva asked. Tony had gone for dinner and had yet to return. _

"_I'm saying he does not have the gut and powers Gibbs has. Realize it Ziva, we have been stuck on this case for how long? There is no way in hell we will find that girl." _

_Ziva felt the anger rise, "You know what McGee? Maybe we are not finding her, maybe Tony is not Gibbs, but at least he is trying! And he is doing a great job!"_

"_Why have you been so protective of him lately?"_

_Ziva stood up from her seat, walking out of the bullpen adding the words over her shoulder, "Because someone has to be." _

_**I would tell push the little green button and tell me what you think but since they have changed the page then click the on the line 'review this story'. (; **_

**Oh and by the way, do you think this chapter was too sweet? I was really in doubt about it. **


	13. DVD 6 Part 1

**Surprise next chapter! (AN in the end)**

**Answer for the big question: yes Tony and Ziva are together **

_It was a beautiful morning. The camera zoomed from a place at the top of a high building into the window of an apartment on 3th floor. Slowly it went thought the room, showing two people in the room. They laid peacefully in their sleep. The woman with her torso on top of the man, but her legs on his left side. Naked down to her waist where the sheets cover the rest. Her brown hair flowed down her back and covered what the sheets couldn't. _

_What there several weeks ago started as a simply movie night ritual, was now something much more deep. She had the things she needed by him and he by her._

_The camera continued out of the room, and ended on the ground in front of a big building. The Navy Yard._

_Jenny sat in her Office. Several pictures of the same man was on her screen. In the Airport. At a restaurant. In his limousine. With a beautiful woman also known as his daughter Jeanne. _

_All of them were of _La Grenouille or as his real name Rene Benoir _. Not many hours ago, she had gotten a very important call. Jeanne Benoir had gotten a job on the nearby hospital. Apparently she was a doctor. _

_For once in her life Jenny saw her chance to get into the life of her enemy. No matter the cost. _

_-_

_Later that day Jenny called Tony up to her office. He felt the nervousness rush through his body as he waited to enter. He hoped she was pleased with the job he had done. He had tried, he really had. _

"_Come in, Tony." _

"_Hello Director."_

"_Tony. You have been doing a great job since Gibbs left. And now I need your help if you want."_

"_What kind of help?"_

"_An important undercover op."_

"_As what exactly?"_

"_I can't give you any specific details before I know your answer."_

"_Then I'm not sure how to give my answer," he replied. Tony knew this game. It what the exact same game they played with lawyers under investigation. _

"_Okay DiNozzo, I will give you so much knowledge that if you say no you still have no idea about what the purpose of this is. Got it?"_

"_Got it." _

"_I want you to go undercover as the boyfriend of this woman." Jenny laid a picture of Jeanne in front of him. _

_God, was the only word coming to him. Boyfriend. What about Ziva? _

"_And what if I say I have a girlfriend? What about her?"_

"_Tony," Jenny said amused, "we both know your partners don't stay for more than a month. This will be your opportunity to grow a little. Becoming used to being with the same woman for more than a couple of weeks. But for gods sakes do not fall in love with her! This could end badly, remember that" _

"_And the team?" _

"_What about them?"_

"_Are they becoming a part of this, and how much can I tell them?" _

"_The will, if possible, not become a part of this."_

"_Okay. Permission to leave?"_

"_When can I have you answer?"_

"_Tomorrow morning."_

"_Permission granted."_

MTAC was suddenly very quiet. Nobody knew where to look. Tony especially. He took a quick look at Ziva. A big mistake. Her jaw was tense. Hell her whole body was tense. Her eyes were glued to the screen as she tried to control her feelings. Regret filled him once again. Why had he been so stupid? If he hadn't agreed to that mission, they probably would still be together. Then she would never had re-met Rivkin and she would never had ended up in Somalia. He felt sick. Very sick, like he could throw up any second.

'Fortunately' Ziva broke the tense moment, "Words won't change the past so let it go." Tony tried to send her a small smile, but she refused to look at him.

"_You should have come to me," Tony said. Didn't she trust him enough?_

"_I couldn't."_

"_Why not? Because I'm not Gibbs? You didn't think I could handle it?"_

"_Because it could cost you your job!" The handle of the locked door to the men's room started to move and voices started to mumble on the other side. _

"_We will talk about this later," she said, walking out and ignoring the looks the other male agents sent her. _

_-_

_Later that night when they lay in the couch watching Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Tony took up the subject from earlier that day. _

"_Why didn't you come to me?"_

"_I couldn't."_

"_Why?"_

"_What do you want me to say Tony? That I don't trust you?" she said frustrated. _

"_That would be a better help than this."_

"_I did not want you to lose your job."_

"_I would not ha-"_

"_You easily could have! If not Eschrel had been so arrogant. Can we drop this now? I really don't want to talk about it." _

"_Of course."_

"Aww you guys are so cute together!" Abby burst out.

"No Abs, they aren't, they broke my rule."

"Yeah Gibbs, but look at them!" she pointed at the screen where the two agent laid, watching Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie making out.

"_I look like a nerd," Ziva said, her mouth hanging open. Her hair was up in a tight tuber, her clothes… yeah she was clothed like those girls on movies, whom in the end turns out to be a beauty. _

_While Abby, McGee and Gibbs discussed the last details of the mission, Ziva used the time to focus on the role of her cover. Putting herself into this poor woman, who obviously, had lost all faith in life and only wanted to lead her genes further. _

_However, there was one thing she needed the answer to, "What is speed-dating?" _

_- _

"_Not good enough, I'm going to call his wife," Ziva said as she and Tony sat in interrogation. _

"_No! No listen to me. I just… wanted something new you know? I was just…" _

"_Listen! You grabbed my ass. You have to do much better than this, you want to keep your wife uninformed!" _

_On the other side of the two-way mirror, Gibbs and Ducky stood. Smirking of Ziva's anger on the man._

_- _

_As the man took of the cloth that covered the laundry basket, prepared to shoot the woman in it, Ziva had her gun armed at him, a smile on her face and the team as backup. It was moments like this she loved and new she never would __experience__ in MOSSAD. To really feel that she made a purpose, and if not for Israel, then for America._

_-_

_Weeks later, a warm evening, Ziva's walked her way home from the gym. She had felt very restless and wanted to spend some energy by running her way to the Navy Yard, instead of taking her mini as she usually would. And now she felt great. A smile spread on her face as she thought on how Tony would wait for her in his apartment. _

_The darkness had begun to fall, but the air was still warm, so she decided to take a longer way home. Soft music played from an outdoor restaurant, and as Ziva was almost passed it, she noticed something. _

_In the middle of the restaurant sat a very pretty brunette with a man in front of her. Tony. Ziva's heart stopped. He was on a date. And not with her. They had agreed on a relationship, but what else could she had expected. Tony would always be Tony. When he had been with a woman in a couple of weeks he would get tired of her and cheat on her with another, and much prettier, woman. _

_She pulled her hand trough her hair before turning around and walking back to his apartment, packing her stuff and deleting every evidence on her existence in the house. She drove her way back to the gym where she started her exercise all over again. _

_-_

_Tony drove back from his date with Jeanne. He felt bad. However this was for the best, he couldn't deny that he had missed Ziva on the restaurant and in some way it made him believe much more in the relationship they was building. _

_He parked the car and looked up at the apartment. It was all dark. It was almost 11 o'clock, but it didn't look like Ziva to go to bed this early.  
He locked his way into the darkness but there were no sign of her._

"_Ziva?" he yelled. No answer._

_He checked for her backpack or something that would give him a lead on where she was, but everything was clean. Or almost. At the kitchen table lay a note, or could it even be classified as a note, all it was were four lines. _

_Tony,_

_This was a mistake from the beginning.  
We will just keep it professional; I will see you at work tomorrow. _

- _Ziva _

_That night Tony lay on the bed, just staring on the ceiling. Thinking on what he could have done since she decided to leave. At last he came to the decision that he would talk with her the following morning. _

_But he never did, when he tried she turned him off, not giving him a chance... and maybe it was for the best? But no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that it was for the best, his heart was still broken. _

**Or were together, don't kill me! But do you want them back together? **

**I know this one wasn't so action-ish but I think you needed a little quiet chapter, I promise the next ones won't be so boring.**

**So yea I didn't take me so long this time, but it'll probably take some time (a couple of weeks) before the next one comes, I have my exams soon so I'm busy.**

**Thanks to my beta ;) and to Kaylee haha (sorry Kaylee, it wasn't in this chapter I was killing someone) **

**Review please and tell me what you think. **


	14. DVD 6 Part 2

**Hi guys, I know it has been a while, that is also why I will leave the AN until the end of this chapter. **

'So Ziva? How's it going? Or should we just skip the small talk? No seriously, gotten anything out from the video yet? I'm very curious. Like Ari always was, you remember the time when… seem like you know how to get me off the trail. Well let's see how your teammates will react on the next part. I'm sure they will get a real surprise…'

Ziva stared at the computer screen; she had read the text but refused to think about what it could mean. There were so many things and so many moments, why her? Hadn't she been through enough? She shook the computer screen in frustration, earning a disgusted, yet compassionate, glance from McGee, whom had just put in the next DVD.

_After that, time just seemed to go. Tony started seeing a woman, probably the woman from the café. However, when he suddenly started to visit the hospital, having a trial on his desk and never was reachable, Ziva started to worry for him. How ill was he? Was he even ill? He had to be. Why else would he sneak of like that? It was no secret that he had a new girl, or was it? Ziva cared even though she wished she didn't. She and Tony had had an amazing friendship, she would do almost anything to get_ that _back._

_Ziva lay on the couch reading a book in French. And Hebrew. And German. And Russian. Actually she had four books out of the closet. Three on the table, one in her hands. She was rarely bored, but tonight was an exception. It had been a long day and paperwork had been the only thing to keep her mind out of thoughts. She really wished some case would come up. However she ended up regretting that wish. _

_It was a weekend shift. Gibbs had exchanged their shift so they did not need to work, but that changed the Saturday afternoon when he was playing baseball with a 'friend'. Cassidy's team had been blown up. She was the only one left alive. In mentally pieces. The whole case was confusing. Even though Ziva did not have a bond to Paula, she respected the "relationship" she had with the team. And the hate Paula felt for her, she understood, the other agent needed someone to hate. _

Ziva looked down. It was quite a while ago. Many things had changed. In the middle of the sad memories, a little smile formed on her lips as his voice filled the room.

"_You do realize I can look down in your shirt right?" even in a situation like that, he could still be his usually I. "Seeing something you like?" the smile breaking the concentrated look on her face. And even though he loved to see her façade slip once in a while, he really wished she would stay focused, if just for a single moment. "Yeea I do. But I'm not sure it's worth dying over" just as the last words slipped his lips he cut the wire that disarmed the bomb. "Not with dying over" she snorted "I will remember that" then she zipped up her shirt and sent him a sly glare with a matching smile._

_Today of all days the vending machine had decided to turn against him, and refuse to take his dollar in exchange for the his usually candy bar. He slapped it. Hard. Pretending not to hear her soft step behind him. She gave him coins and took his dollar, giving it to the machine and getting a candy bar in return, Tony send her a wary glare, how did she do it? While eating his candy she asked the question "do you ever think about soulmates?" of course she did not get a real answer, just another stupid reference. _

_Autopsy was dark, only a single lamp was on. Tony heard the doors open and her steps echoing through the room. _

"_Surprise it took you so long" an ironic smile passes his face "thank god for Ducky" he says, while taking another sip from his glass filled with some of the old man's wine._

"_You have not listen to anything I have said" she answered. She knew how he felt, but she also knew it wasn't his fault. _

"_It has only been three years, I'm a slow learner…" his voice is deep and slightly blurred, effected by the alcohol. _

"… _And a slow healer" a sigh left her lips "you are crying over spilled.. milk.."_

"_It's not milk that I spilt" "do not so this Tony" she warned. Not wanting him to end up in that damned black hole he was crawling into. "Don't do what? Don't blow my protection detail? Don't blow my undercover assignment?" he took another sip. _

"_Those sounds like apologies?"_

_Filled with bitterness he took up another glass, placing it in front of her. Giving her the bottle. A short quietness was shared between them._

"_She died alone"_

"_We are all alone"_

"_Yea thanks for that…. I just meant she never got married, never had any children.. I never even heard her talking about it" _

_Another silence came, but as the next words left him, a small smile appeared on her cold lips._

"_Paris… that was when it must had happened" _

"_The two of them alone.. in another world…"_

"_Putting their lives in each other's hand everyday…"_

"_Not to mention the long nights…" _

"_It was inevitable" she turned her head to him "nothing is inevitable". _

_No more words were said between them. Only the starring into each other's eyes could symbolize the event of the conversation. _

_When they returned to the bullpen after learning Vance's decision, no one was in the mood of talking, but somehow they all ended up in the pub downstairs. And while nobody noticed, Gibbs put up a picture of Jenny on the wall that was saying – Agents lost in duty, – just beside Kate._

_Hours went by and fewer and fewer people were left in the bar. Even the team had begun to split; the only two to remain was, surprisingly, Tony and Ziva. Drunk and sad. They had failed, no one could deny it. This was their punishment. Being separated. Torn apart. _

_The alcohol made them sad._

_Made them enhance __the feelings that were raving inside of them. _

_Made them feel sorry for them self. _

_Made them smile._

_Made them cry._

_Made them lie… _

_They shared a cap home. To Tony's apartment to be more exact. Kisses were exchanged. Cloth was ending up on the floor. The heat was rising. _

_Later than night Ziva woke with a fuzzy memory and swearwords on her lips, as she realized, what their drunken sorrow had lead to. As fast as she had lost her cloth, she got into again. Quickly deleting every sign on her existents in the apartment. She left with a tear on her cheek. _

…

_Ziva had returned to MOSSAD. However she wasn't here because she wanted to be. She was here because she was forced, and if there was something Ziva hated, it was force. Unless of course she was the one forcing. MOSSAD had put her on desk duty for 2 month. As their own sort of punishment. _

_However she had Michael. Michael had become her partner. It sounded weird. Partner. Her partner was Tony. Not Michael. Michael could be anything else, but not her partner. Not again.  
_

_A month had gone by and panic was starting to rush through her body. She had called Tony several times; however he always seemed to be out of reach. No matter how much she cursed and yelled at the phone, it wouldn't let Tony's voice flow through the handset. _

"_You have been calling Agent DiNozzo, I'm not here in the moment, leave a message and I will call you back later…biiiiib…." _

"_Hallo Tony… I know I have been calling a lot lately, but I promise I won't call you anymore… If.. If you don't answer this call, I will respect your wish for.. it. Just you know, don't….. no that was all I wanted to tell you. Take care."_

_After that, she did not call him back. Because he never returned the call. Now, two months later, she was still a bit troubled about it, however what could she do?  
The pile of paperwork was growing, and damn god she wished her punishment was over soon. _

_She knew it. She had known all along. However no matter how much she had tried to deny it, it would not disappear. And time went fast, too fast for her liking. _

_It was a quiet day at the office. The last pile of paperwork was slowly becoming smaller and smaller. _

_Michael smiled a charming smile from across the office, before standing up and making his way towards her desk._

"_Are you interested in going out when we are done?" _

_She smiled halfhearted up at him while replying "I'm sorry Michael. Not today"_

"_How long are you going to use that excuse? We haven't been out even once since you returned, what is the matter?"_

"_I… That's not true" _

"_It is and you know it!" _

_Ziva remained silent and that did the trick. _

"_That's it. You are going with me out" he gently pulled her up from the chair. _

"_I cannot…" before she could find an excuse he interrupted her, "why?" once again she did not answer. _

"_See, you do not have any excuse, come on!" _

"_I'm pregnant"_

_Michael looked at her. He was rarely speechless, and in normal circumstances, he wouldn't have believed her, however something in her desperate tone, was so convincing that joking wasn't even a possibility. _

"_You are pregnant" it wasn't a question, more a statement. _

"_Yes"_

"_Does your father know?" a sly smile crept over his face. If Eli knew, the father of this child would have been dead and the child aborted. _

"_What does he have to say about this? It's MY child!" she hissed, afraid that someone would hear them; she pulled him into the nearest empty room. _

"_He is planning sending you on a mission soon, you do know that right?" _

"_Yes" it was more a sigh than anything else. She had been thinking about this for the past month. She could not tell her father, but she could not abort the child either. _

"_Who's the father?" _

_She looked up, she wasn't sure she could tell him "that's not important". _

"_Really?" _

"_Yes"_

_He sighed. She could be so damn stubborn. _

"_You know. I would like to help you raise the child. We could tell everyone that the child was mi…"_

_She slapped him across the face "How dare you! I can take care of this my own, my mess, my responsibility"._

"_Yeea, but the thing is Ziva, I want to help" _

_She glared at him. Michael had never been interested in having children on his own. On the other side, she hadn't either._

"_Why?"_

"_Because it feels like my responsibility, if I hadn't let you go over there, it wouldn't have happened" he squeezed her hand. _

_She sent him a weak smile, "it is not your fault Michael, it is mine, no need for you to become involved". _

_It was later the same day. The darkness had occupied the city, but not everyone was asleep. In one office, the light still on. Two men were still awake. Three matters were being discussed._

"_As I said, she is pregnant" _

"_We need to increase the plan Rivkin"_

"_You have a proposal director?"_

"_Yes" he signed. This was NOT planned "you will go to America, tracing up this terrorist cell, leaving no trace. When Ziva's first mission is completed, she will join you. Wearing her first mission, you will make sure she loses the baby, I don't care how you do it. If the accident is out and she dies, she is just another agent down. Understood?" his eyes were cold as ice and Michael knew he had no choice. He could not deny he still found Ziva attractive, but she had broken the golden rule of MOSSAD, that was unforgivable. An agent that showed weakness was not an agent that could be trusted. And Ziva was such an agent. When she had killed Ari, she had chosen to run to America. She left! Ran like a scared little girl. For that, Michael would never forgive her. _

In MTAC Ziva's face was paler than a piece of paper. Tony had told her, yelled at her, that Michael was using her. That all of it was an act. Suddenly she stood up, running for the bathroom to puke up her guts.

Abby was on her way to the door when Tony gripped her arm. Stopping her.

"Abby stay here" his voice was soft, without the usually hint of humor.

"Why Tony? She is my friend too!" the goth angrily replied. She cared for her too, it wasn't like he was the only one with feelings.

"Yes, but did you knock her up, for then letting her go alone thought losing it again? Letting another guy take care of her, because I didn't know?" he hissed. He was hurt, confused and feeling awfully guilty.

Abby sent him a compassionate smile before returning to her seat, not even hearing the soft sound of the door closing.

**AN: thank you very much for the reviews and all those impatient comments **** actually I'm not kidding cause those are the ones giving me a wakeup call. Kaylee and a certain x-men loving reader are very good at this! I hope you were not to0 disappointed. Reviews would be nice.**

**Btw this chapter has not been through my beta because I wanted to update as soon as possible, so you will have to live with the errors. **

**To X-men are awesome: I'd like to reply your reviews, but seeing you have denied messages it is hard ;) anyway I would just say thanks for r reviews and I hope this chapter lived up for your expectations. **


	15. DVD 6 Part 3

**Here it is – the way to long waited chapter. Sorry. I would recommend you to read the former chapter so you can remember the situation  
**

"You know, some people would find it disturbing that you use the men's room instead of the ladies room" he sent her a weak smile. Joking did not help today, but it was an easy way out. Much better than actually facing the problem. She once again sat on the floor, why couldn't he just leave her alone? That he blamed her was one thing, but if he decided that now was the time to rub it in her face, she would not be responsible for her actions.

"Ziva" he signed, this made her look up. His eyes were tired, his body was tired, and his mind was tired. For the first time Ziva noticed how the age was coming for him. Not that he wasn't still attractive, oh yes he was, and his charm was still intact, but he wasn't so… fit anymore. His eyes lacked the usual glint, not that it was something most people would notice, but she did. His hair was getting a few gray spots and where his skin used to be smooth, with a hint of arrogance, were small wrinkles obtained. Life was finally marking him. He could no longer run from the things he wanted to, because with or without his knowledge, he was involved in a commitment. Not with a girl. But with life. In the past, he had moved and played. Never had a real home or family, and no matter how cliché it sounds, he has both now. He has an apartment, a job, and colleagues. Colleagues that now were the closest thing he has to a family. He has no woman in his house, nor has he children to come home to. But his friends are prepared to die for him, and once in a while, when life decides to screw with him, it always knows his soft spots. His friends and, at the same time, his family. Kate and Jenny are gone. It almost took Gibbs. Next was Ziva, twice within two years. He could not lose her again. Last time's result confirmed that.

"I'm sorry" the words hung heavy in the air. Tony knew that the words were not even near being enough, but it was everything he could do. At least for now.

"It a sign of weakness"

"Not between friends"

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Ziva looked away.

"Ziva I'm sorry I did not response your calls. I got every single one of them; I am not going to deny it. I cut of all contact with the team. Not only you…" Tony ran his hands through his hair and over his face "I… I would not make it more painful than it already was. I was pathetic; I wanted to swell in my own self pity, even though I knew I deserved it".

Ziva was lost of words. Normally he would deny it. Deny everything or at least to try to joke his way out. And yet here he stood with an apologetic face, the truth on his tongue and regret in his eyes. She knew she should be mad at him. Yell at him that if he had answered just _one_ of her calls, things may not have ended the way they did. But she did not; she just wanted to know one thing.

"What would you have done if the baby had survived?"

Tony tried to look her in the eyes, but he just… couldn't.

"I… I would like to say that I would step up for you. That I would help and be a great dad. But I can't say that. Because, hell, I couldn't even answer your calls! I guess I would have tried, but run away. Given you the money you needed to give it the life it deserves" Tony briefly closed his eyes, "but that's a while ago Ziva. Lots of thing happened since then. I have changed. I hope you know that".

"I know"

_The deep purple dress clung tight to her body at the top just for falling from her hips and down. The back was bare. The front was deep. Brown waves kissed her face on their way down. Temptation was the keyword. What a shame to destroy this precious sight._

"_Everything is made from dreams…" _

_True, Ziva, true. But it is true words dropping from the mouth of a liar. _

_Michal got her hint. Discreetly following him out of the room, leaving her to deal with a pure mess as the bomb exploded. _

Tony felt the cold embrace him like a blanket. Ziva being blown up. Her baby being… no their baby. He was a part of it too. Seeing this, one and a half year later, made it all worse. He could have prevented it! One way or the other. If he hadn't been such an ass, he could... should have been the…

His thoughts were cut off by a head slap. Blue eyes stared at him, knowing exactly how the self blame was tearing up his inside. In relationships Tony hated the control his partner always seemed to suffocate him in. With the team it was different. Or the probie was like his dates, nice to tease, funny to screw with, but as soon as the seriousness entered the atmosphere, he would run like the macho italiano he was. Gibbs was the control and stability he needed in his life and Ziva, well Ziva was Ziva. Ziva. The taste of her name in his mouth made him want to cut out all the memories and hide in the corner.

_The light reflected on the white walls of the hospitals room, blinding the intruders. The nurse blocked the light with her hand and slowly released the curtains, quietly so she wouldn't wake up the patient. Rifts and wounds were covering up the emotionless face. As the nurse quietly left the room, the eyes opened briefly. Brown perhaps. With a hint of gray. No it wasn't gray. It was sorrow. That kind of sorrow that fills you up when God tears something very precious away from you. That kind of sorrow, no human should be forced to go through. In this case, losing your child. The Israeli woman peaked out of her eyes hook again, the picture of the room standing a bit more clearly than before. But only for a moment, before the scenario played for her eyes again, and tears replaced it. _

_She hadn't giving the doctors any sign of her wakefulness in the two days she had been in the room. She did not need to hear what they had to say. They didn't know anything she didn't. The baby was gone. A single tear escaped her grip a rolled down her cheek. Leaving a wet pattern. All the nights of lying awake, trying to find a way out of the nightmare, and a simple explosion set her free…_

_Yet here she was. Crying for the baby that never was. For the life she had failed.  
A hand crossed her face. It felt like a soft and kindly touch, but it left a dangerously red handprint behind. And a lightly tingling in her right hand.  
Matching the sunsets reddish carpet framing Israel's curves. _

_Not a sound was heard as the Mossad agent left the room. _

Ducky sat in his seat. The tears were slowly rolling down his face. This was a site of Ziva he had never seen. Oh he knew she had one. Very much. But never seen it.  
She was such a strong and independent woman, but at the same time, she was thirsting for someone who was cable of tearing down her walls. Willing to try. However no one had ever had the strength.

The Scottish man felt pity. Something he very well knew the Israeli did not appreciate. She had suffered so much through her whole life. Lost so many loved ones. It was a world only few had insight into. The anger boiled in him.

_As Ziva tried to convince her.. former boss.. of her good health, while they shared information from the Morocco-case. The pieces fit almost as in a puzzle, leaving satisfied feeling in the agents. But Gibbs knew. She could see it in his appearance. How he tensed in a way that must have been painful. The blue eyes followed every action in the opposite room. To shut off the conversation, Ziva let the words linger as she left the room._

"_I'll be on the next flight". _

**This (pre)chapter will give me an idea of whether you are still interested in this story, or if I should cut it off. I hope you will come with some feedback. **


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